Thursday, January 17, 2013

My Daughter, The Addict

You read that right.  My four-and-a-half-year-old child has an addiction.  

And it's serious.  

We're not talking about a need-a-fix-every-now-and-then craving; this is a can't-live-without-it, major-withdrawal-inducing, can't-eat-can't-sleep obsession.  I should probably be spending my time planning an intervention instead of writing this post.

Want to meet the object of her addiction?


Yup, my girlie can't live without this pink, rabbit-headed square of blanket that we all affectionately call Lovey.
Here she is when she first fell for Lovey's satin-bordered snuggliness.


Her addiction is my fault.  I know we often try to blame our mamas for our deep-seated issues, but this one really is on me.  When Li'l Miss was about five months old, I read an article that said something like this, "Babies who develop an attachment to a comfort object are more likely to bond with their parents, sleep well at night, attend an Ivy League school, get an advanced degree, stay married, avoid jail, and contribute to the good of humanity."  (New mamas, beware of articles like this one.  They will give you nervous twitches and panic attacks.)

I was a first-time mom, still completely freaked out about this enormous responsibility called motherhood.  I had my nurse friends on speed dial, and I was taking notebooks full lists of questions to my pediatrician at every check-up.  I read this article and was instantly convinced that my sweet, tiny, comfort-object-less baby girl was headed straight for the principal's office (and a life of crime after that).

Thankfully one of my students had given Li'l Miss an adorable pink rabbit/blanket at one of my baby showers.  (I was an elementary teacher for five years before I got the priceless blessing of becoming a full-time mommy.)  I whipped out the little rabbit, steeled myself against my steadfast conviction not to put anything other than a sheet into my baby's crib, and gave Li'l Miss her first taste of Lovey. 

The rest is history.  I oh-so quickly learned that the author of the aforementioned article completely neglected to mention the fact that the parents of the children involved in the study had to pry their child's comfort object out of his/her clenched fist as he/she headed off to Harvard or Stanford or Yale.  

I'm 100% sure I will be doing exactly that.

Li'l Miss can't sleep without Lovey.  This means if there's any chance that we'll be out past bedtime, we'd better bring Lovey along.  If Lovey needs a bath (a.k.a. a spin in the washing machine), it has to happen during waking hours only...and is very likely to happen with a certain little lady's face pressed against the lid of the washing machine.  Li'l Miss has gone to sleep more than once with a slightly-damp Lovey snagged from the dryer.  (She also may or may not have gone to sleep with a slightly-damp Lovey rescued from the potty right before naptime.  Don't judge.  We're talking no Lovey = No naptime.)

 Thankfully, four years later, I'm getting a little bit better at giving myself grace as a parent - something I really couldn't wrap my mind around on that long-ago day when I just knew that my Li'l Miss wasn't going to make it in this world without a comfort object.  I'm a teeny bit less OCD, not quite so paranoid, and daily working to love my children with open hands.  Most of the time I'm able to say, "My four year old has a rabbit-headed blanket attached to her wrist.  So what?  It will fall apart before she starts high school.  (I hope!)"

And, now that I'm a parent again, I can avoid making the same mistakes twice.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Nine Years Ago Today...

...I married this hot guy.


The road we've walked together has been bumpier than we ever anticipated; we've waded through disappointment, heartbreak, and dreams lost.  Our life today isn't exactly the life we pictured on that January evening nine long years ago.  (I mean, my rockin' 2001 P*ntiac Montana is kinda' close, but...) 

I can't tell you how thankful I am to know that I'm married to a man who will hold on to me even when things are tough.  When doors close.  When life takes a crazy turn...or ten.  And, though we've faced some take-your-breath-away struggles, we're surrounded by more unexpected blessings than I could ever count.

So, while life isn't always what I anticipated, the man I married is who he promised.  He's faithful, loving, and a total rockstar daddy.  I'm so glad he wanted to marry me, because I can't imagine sharing the next nine years' worth of adventures with anyone else.

Jeremy Chad, I love you.  No matter what tomorrow holds.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Snapshots of 2012

January
We celebrated eight years of marriage, grieved the loss of a domestic adoption, visited with special friends, and soaked up some very un-Januaryish weather.






February
We got a snowstorm for Valentine's Day and said "YES!" to Li'l Dude's file on the 29th.  (Yup, he's our Leap Year baby.) 






March
Our Ch*na home study was FINALLY completed, Emma got a new look (short hair!), we had a great visit with my family in Southern California, and Li'l Pup joined our family.








April
We celebrated Easter Sunday with family, welcomed Miss R and her mama to hang out with us for a while, and sent our dossier off to our agency.






May
We enjoyed a gorgeous Mother's Day, a super fun visit with Tia (my sis), and a memorable Memorial Day with dear friends.








June
We welcomed summer with a family vacation in Northern Michigan and then were blessed with a visit from two handsome boys.





July
Our little princess turned four (yikes!), we hung out at the County Fair, Jeremy and I snuck away for a few days together at a conference in Palm Desert, and we got LOA!!!







August
We were part of what could arguably be the best family reunion ever in the California mountains.





September
We went to the fair - yes, again, we're all Midwestern like that - had fun camping with friends, and got Travel Approval to bring our boys home!








October
Apparently we did nothing but make hotel reservations and pack in October, because the only pictures I took were of Li'l Miss dressed up for a birthday party.  Oops!




November
We went to my brother's in California and then kept right on flying to bring our boys home from Ch*na.





December
It's been a fun, crazy, trying, joyful, memory-filled month.  And we're all still alive. :)






I really enjoyed putting this post together.  I was surprised how many of the small moments, represented by these photos, I had forgotten: splashing in puddles, playing in the snow, getting dressed up.  In some ways, I feel as though I spent 2012 consumed with adoption; this year brought us to the end of a very journey to our boys.  But that end is also the beginning of our new adventure together as a family.  In 2013, Li'l Man and Li'l Dude will share 365 days worth of small moments with our family.  May those moments be filled with love, peace, and contentment; and may I make the time to treasure each and every one of them.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas Thoughts from Li'l Dude

Hey there!  Not up there...down here.  It's me, Li'l Dude.


(I know.  Totally not my best picture ever.  My mom thinks anytime is a good time for a photo shoot.  She seriously snatched me out of bed, plopped me on the toilet seat, and started snapping pictures.  So not cool.)

My mom asked me to blog for her today.  (Don't tell her I said so, but I think this whole going-from-one-kid-to-three thing is stressing her out a tiny bit.)  She said today's post would be best coming from me because I've only been home for 36 days.  Even though it feels like I've been part of this family forever, just 37 days ago I woke up in an orphanage.

Thirty-seven days ago my world was a completely different place.  There were a lot less hugs.  A lot less stories.  A lot less bedtime kisses.  A lot less of this crazy-delicious stuff my mom calls pizza.

Thirty-seven days ago I was alone.  Sure, there were forty-nine other kids and some nannies in my orphanage, but none of them were mine.  I'm talking mine like these two are mine.


Yes, they're both seriously bossy, but they're 100% mine.  Like beat-up-the-kid-who-called-me-names mine.  Forever and always mine.

Thirty-seven days ago I woke up in a place without a lot of hope.  A place where I'd spent so much time laying in my crib that the back of my head got flat and a whole strip of my hair got rubbed off.  A place where I'd learned to soothe myself to sleep by banging my head against my crib mattress.  A place where my caretakers weren't 24/7 mommies and daddies, but people who clocked out at the end of each day and went home to their real lives.

Thirty-seven days ago I was an orphan: one of 15,000,000 children living without parents.

If you're honest with yourself, thirty-seven days ago it wasn't difficult to imagine that I was just a picture. A statistic.  A little person far, far, far removed from the comfortable life many of you are living in this amazing land full of resources.

It was easy to reduce me to a tiny prick to your conscience or a $45/month donation.  Easy to confine my story to a hidden corner of your heart...or to not let it in at all.  Easy to allow Christmas shopping or swimming lessons or dinner plans erase me from your mind altogether.

My mom has been there.  She tells me that a few short years ago, she did these things.  She wants to believe she was ignorant, but perhaps she just chose to ignore the reality that all 15,000,000 of these children are just as real as I am.


All of them have personalities.


And potential.


(I know you might not have met me yet, but I'm very real.  My dimples, my teeny-tiny voice, and my mischievous streak are real.)


How can 15,000,000 very real children waiting for families not rip your heart to shreds?  How can tiny boys like me spending Christmas alone in their cribs not bring tears to your eyes?  How can knowing that I celebrated Christmas with my family this year not make you want that for one more child next year?

I hope I get to meet you someday.  And when you hug me, I hope the illusion that you can keep our world's orphan crisis tucked away in a neat corner of your consciousness is totally shattered.  Gone forever.

This Christmas, imagine the gift that you could give to one of these children.  Imagine one of them knowing that they will never be alone again.  Imagine one of them opening presents under your tree next year. 

Before I say good night, I want you to meet one very special little girl.  Her "name" is Eve Noelle.


Three years ago, on Christmas Day, she was found abandoned in Ch*na.  She's spent four Christmases alone.  I want this one to be the last.  Next year, I want this sweet girl to have what I've had today: love, joy, family.


You can chat with my mom (whatitmeans2beheld @ gmail . com) about Eve Noelle or about adoption in general.  (Look out, she gets a little passionate and might talk your ear off.)

This morning my daddy read me a story about a little baby named Jesus who was born long ago in a manger.  That baby grew up to be a man who called people to follow him, not to an easy life but to sacrifice and servanthood.  He grew up to be a man who cared about those the world considered worthless - those who were the least worthy, the least fortunate, the least valuable in the eyes of humanity.  

These children are some of the least.

What are you going to do about it?

Sunday, December 23, 2012

A Definite Bargain!

A roll of toilet paper: 46 cents


(How cute is Li'l Man's Mom-we-so-did-not-do-this face?)

A quiet relaxing warm shower for Mommy: Priceless


I <3 you, Ch*rmin.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Big Sis

Becoming a big sister hasn't been an easy thing for Li'l Miss.  She was an only child for the first 52 months of her life; so when her toys and her space and her mommy and daddy suddenly became ours, she struggled.  In all honesty, Li'l Miss's adjustment has probably been the biggest unexpected challenge we've faced since bringing the boys into our family.  It wasn't that we didn't anticipate that it would be difficult, we just had no way of knowing how much this big sister thing would rock her world.  Call us naive...or way too optimistic.

On a positive note, Li'l Miss has come a long way in the two weeks we've been home.  I couldn't resist sharing a few of the things she's been learning about being a big sister.

She's learning to find all her brothers' super-duper ticklish spots.


...learning to share her toys, even her oh-so-special Loving F*amily Dollhouse.



She shares even though her brothers are prone to using the talking silver minivan as a luge and drinking out of the teeny-tiny toilets.


...learning that it's kinda' fun to have buddies when she plays dress up.


(Why is it that they all decide to smile and look in the general direction of the camera only when the boys are dressed as Minnie M*use and R*setta?)

...learning that sharing traditions multiplies the fun instead of dividing it.



 ...learning that princesses have way more fun dancing when there's a prince involved.



The other day, Li'l Miss started a sentence with, "When we go back to China to adopt a little girl..."

I guess this big sister thing might be growing on her after all.