A Project (and a Name) for Bean

Before I spill the beans on our daughter's name, I want to share something else that has us very excited. (I know...making you wait is mean. Go ahead and scroll down for the big announcement, but come back here when you're done. The rest of this post is pretty cool, too. Promise!)

We've been accepted to do a really unique project to help bring Li'l Bean Home. It's called a Both Hands Project because it allows us, and a team of our friends and family, to reach one hand out to help a widow in need and one hand out to bring an orphan - our sweet Li'l Bean - home forever. This concept is taken from James 1:27, and we think it's pretty awesome.

On April 18, our Both Hands Team will help us serve a widow in our community. Before the project, our team will be working to find sponsors for our day of service. Donations are tax deductible, and 100% of any funds donated go directly to bringing our sweet girl home. (It's similar to golf-a-thon or a 5K to raise money for a specific cause; except, instead of golfing or running, we'll be serving.) Sound exciting? You can keep reading to learn more or click here to check out our project page.

OUR PROJECT

The widow we'll be serving is Mrs. Sherrill Boggs. Mrs. Boggs lost her husband of 62 years in a tragic car accident last December. She was seriously injured in the accident and had to spend a month in rehab. Now Mrs. Boggs spends most of her time at home.

Mrs. Boggs' late husband, Frank, was full of life. He loved to sing to anyone and everyone. Friends at the local YMCA tell me they remember him coming in and making up songs for people as they worked out. Frank's death has obviously left a big hole in Sherrill's life. 

Frank helped build the Boggs' house of 50+ years. This will be Mrs. Boggs' first spring without him, so our team will helping Mrs. Boggs with her spring cleaning and yard projects. We'll be washing windows, emptying gutters, and collecting sticks. We're also excited to tear out two large evergreen bushes to make room for a flowerbed and an outside sitting area. (Mrs. Boggs loves to read, so we can just imagine her sitting in the sunshine with a good book.) In addition, our team will be installing a railing along Mrs. Boggs' sidewalk and replacing her front door handle and deadbolt.

LI'L BEAN
As I mentioned above, 100% of any funds donated to our team will help bring our daughter home from Ch*na. Most of you have already been introduced to our Li'l Bean. (If you haven't, you can meet her here.) Our sweet girl has Tetralogy of Fallot, a combination of four heart defects. This condition is usually repaired in infancy, but our Bean has not yet had surgery. Because of this (and because we absolutely can't wait to meet her), we are working hard to get her home as quickly as possible.

ADOPTION COSTS

Our adoption will cost between $25,000 and $30,000. Expediting because of Bean's heart condition has considerably shortened the time we have to come up with these funds. It looks like our adoption - start to finish - will only take 5-6 months. Thankfully, we are three months into our process and have already been able to cover almost half of our expenses and fees. 

Looking ahead, we have a $6,000 fee due when Ch*na approves our paperwork (hopefully within the next few weeks), and then we have travel and in-country fees (these include airplane tickets, legal fees in Ch*na, hotels, travel in country, meals, trains in country, etc.). Our agency allows us to book our own travel, and we work very hard to be frugal in our planning; however, we are still expecting that these fees will total over $7,000. We're hoping that our Both Hands Project will help us raise the $13,000 - $15,000 we have left to fund our adoption.

WANT TO HELP?

We would be thrilled and humbled if you'd consider being part of our Both Hands project. There are several ways you can help. Check them out below!

Serve with Us - If you're a local friend, we'd love to have you serve with us on the 18th! The more team members we have, the more we can accomplish for Mrs. Boggs. If you're interested in joining our work day, please comment on this post or contact me via FB, text, or email.

Sponsor Our Team - Any financial gift, big or small, gets us closer to bringing our daughter home. If you'd like to sponsor our team, click here for donation information. There are directions for giving online or through the mail. All donations are tax deductible.

Support Us - We are in need of supplies for our work day. If you would like to provide one of the following items, please let me know. 
-Door handle with deadbolt
-Mulch
-Outdoor dining set or reading chairs

Share Our Project - Please help us spread the word about our project. Feel free to share the link to this post via email or on Facebook or Twitter (or some other social media that I'm too old to know about).  You are also welcome to just share our family project page with a short post. (Perhaps something like, "Please take a minute to check out the project our friends, Jeremy and Tonya Wike, are doing to bring their daughter home from Ch*na!") The more people hear about our project, the more likely we are to get the support we need to bring Bean home!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post and to consider how you might be a part of our Both Hands Project. We are truly excited to bless Mrs. Boggs in a big way, and we have already felt incredibly supported in the planning stages of our project. Please know that your prayers, encouraging words, and financial gifts are genuinely appreciated. We can't wait to tell Bean how many people played a part in her adoption story!

Now the part you've been waiting for...yes, we have finally decided on an English name for our Li'l Bean. This is a pretty earth-shattering event at our house. We usually name our kids right about the time we meet them (or even slightly after). Jeremy and I completely shocked our very straight-laced Ch*nese guide when she asked for Li'l Dude's name on the day we met him, and we told her we hadn't decided yet. 

I wish I could say we hold off on naming our kids because we want to meet them and see if the name fits or because we have too many good options and can't make a decision, but that's not the case. We are just the worst baby namers ever. This is how naming conversations usually go at our house...

ME: How about Lily? It's sweet and feminine.

JEREMY: It sounds like lilypad - you know, like a green plant with a frog on it.

ME: Okay, what do you think of Harper?

JEREMY: Everyone would totally think "harpoon". You don't want bearded men and whales to be what comes to mind when people think of our daughter, do you?

ME (only rolling my eyes a little): Hhhhmmmm...I'm sure everyone born in the early 1900's would totally think that, hon. Well, our other kids have really classic names; how about Nora?

JEREMY: Riiiight, I can hear the kids in her class now, "Nora's a bore-a!"

(There are times when I'm glad I didn't know my husband in elementary school. ;)

Thankfully, the name wars debates are over. We've decided to go with a classic first name (that we borrowed from my grandma) and a Christmas-y middle name (since we got Bean's file on Christmas Day). The name we've chosen is Evelyn Joy. We'll call her Evie (EH-VEE) or Evie Joy. Now if our paperwork would just move along so I could kiss those sweet chubby cheeks!

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." 
-James 1:27

Mommy's Li'l Meltdown

My baby boy turned four on Friday. And I had an amazing birthday post planned. I really did. It was sweet and meaningful with just the right amount of silly. (It was even going to be written on Li'l Dude's birthday, instead of the Tuesday after.) I totally had it half composed in my head, all ready to be whipped together during naptime. (I love you, naptime.)

Then, I had a complete and utter mommy meltdown. It was bad. Like hiccuping, ugly sob hysteria bad.

Before I tell this story, I have something to confess: I'm not the greatest with messes. Growing up, I was a hardcore tomboy with an uber laid-back mom who let me splash in mud and swim in creeks and get covered in pine tree sap every. single. day. And I loved that. I so want to be my mom in that regard, but I'm just not. (I have other serious character flaws, too. I never, ever, ever floss. And I cannot for the life of me remember to bring my reusable grocery bags with me into the store. It's awful, I know. Just call me the environment destroyer.)

I love it when my kids go outside and get dirty. I love it when they let their imaginations run away with them, and they turn the playroom into a castle/fairyland/football stadium. I love watching them roll in the mud stomp around in their rain boots and build block towers and make cookies from scratch. It's the aftermath that makes me twitch.

(On that note, there are some movies I used to enjoy that I cannot handle now that I'm a mom. Home Alone? Seriously, the slime on those basement steps is never coming off. Ever. Beethoven? How can people laugh at the thought of a muddy Saint Bernard romping through a living room? It kinda' makes me nauseous. Then there's that scene in Marly and Me when puppy Marly gets scared of the thunderstorm. And eats the garage. Puke.)

With that being said, I try to stretch myself and give my kids space to get muddy and play in the dishwater and - you should be proud of me for this one - use the Play-doh ice cream maker thing that spits tiny Play-doh "sprinkles" all over the house. Earlier this month, I was at a really awesome retreat for adoptive moms. In one of the sessions, the presenter suggested trying these fun water beads for sensory play. So, in a little attempt at getting outside my box, I ordered some.

Water beads start out as tiny colored balls, about the size of the head of a pin. (If you look really closely - and have x-ray vision - you can read that this little bag contains about 30,000 beads.)

After soaking in water for 6-8 hours, they swell into squishy grape-sized spheres. They're way fun to scoop and pour and smush. (Please ignore my blurry pics. My new budget-friendly smartphone is not quite up-to-par in the camera department.)

I thought the water beads would be just right for a special birthday activity. (One of my other obsessive tendencies is getting way stressed out over special days being really extra special.) So, Thursday night I pulled out the nifty little bag of 30,000 water beads and dumped 5,000 or so into a dish basin full of water. The kids were way excited and kept checking on them to see how quickly they were growing.

Friday morning, the beads were ready. All three kids dug right in. We basically had to drag Li'l Miss away from them to go to school. After a quick trip to the Y, I got the boys all set up to play with the beads. I put three bowls on the floor so there was no chance of spillage and tossed in a few scoops and spoons for extra sensory play fun.

Then I...erm...remember, hindsight is 20/20...I went upstairs to shower.

And my sweet Li'l Man did this.

My lame phone camera cannot even begin to capture the disaster that was my dining room floor. And my living room. And my kitchen. And pretty much everywhere in my downstairs that a small, squishy, grape-sized sphere could roll after being dumped from a tub.

It. Was. Awful. And that spot in the middle where you can actually see a circle of floor? That's where my two little guys were dancing on the water beads. So, although it looks clean, it's actually covered in a thick layer of smashed-water-bead slime.

For about 58 seconds, I really and truly had no idea what to do. Li'l Man piped right up and admitted he had put all the beads in one bowl and poured them out. (I was a teeny bit mad at him at that point.) Well, I thought, natural consequences are always a good thing. He dumped them out; he'll clean them up.

So, I went all in and told Li'l Man this was his clean-up job. He had decided it would be fun to dump 5,000 tiny orbs in the middle of mommy's dining room, he was going to chase down the 4,900 that weren't ground into the floor and put them back in the bowl.

Before I tell you what happened next, I promise I wasn't totally hardcore on this consequence thing. I tried dividing the floor into sections so he could finish one at a time. I tried holding the dust pan so Li'l Man could sweep the beads up. I tried giving my little guy a smaller bowl so he could collect a few beads at a time. 

Nothing worked.

Not only did nothing work, my Li'l Man got an attitude. He was half-heartedly shoving beads in his hand one at a time. After about four beads, he'd go to pick up a fifth one and drop the first four. Then he'd take a little handful or cupful of beads and drop them into the dish basin from about two feet up. Squishy little orbs bounce, dude. Needless to say, there weren't too many water beads actually getting picked up.

This mama who hates messes was trying to supervise a clean-up failure in the middle of a huge disaster for five r-e-a-l-l-y long hours. It was a special day. Oh-so super special.

We finally took a break for school pick-up. Once Li'l Miss got home, she and Li'l Dude jumped in to help with the clean-up efforts. Somehow the mess started to disappear pretty quickly with six little hands grabbing beads.

About 4:00pm, most of the beads that hadn't been smashed into the floor were back in the tub. I was mess. Li'l Man was a mess. I never wanted to see another water bead ever.

Li'l Miss and Li'l Dude still thought the evil little colored orbs were pretty cool. While Li'l Man went to cool off his room and Mommy tried really hard to pretend her feet weren't sticking to bead goo on the floor, they took the big dish tub of beads and set it on a stool to keep playing.

I survived five hours of mess. That's something, right?

But then Li'l Miss knocked the tub off the stool. I'm so not kidding right now. And I lost my mind. (Insert hiccuping, ugly sob hysteria.) Even those of you who aren't ridiculously OCD can't blame me at this point, right?

So, there was no perfectly-worded birthday post. There was just surviving. And trying to calm down enough to breathe while telling Daddy that heneededtocomehomerightthatsecond. 

Thankfully, it's pretty easy to make my Li'l Dude feel special. He got the brownies with blue frosting he'd requested and the card that he wished for and even a wiggle car that was a total surprise.  In the end, I'm pretty sure the birthday boy thought his day was special after all.

Happy (slightly-belated) birthday to my jeep-driving, heart-melting, basket-shooting, dragon-slaying four year old. Words can't say how much I love you, Li'l Dude. (And to prove it, I might even let you play with water beads Play-doh tomorrow.)

One Sweet Girl

If you read this post, you've had a chance to meet some of the precious boys waiting in Li'l Bean's orphanage. (If you haven't read it yet, please do. You will die over the massive dose of cuteness. Seriously.) In it, I mentioned that our agency currently has sixteen boys and one girl from Bean's city on their waiting list. I also talked a little bit about the fact that boys now far outnumber girls on Ch*na's waiting child list. 

I hope no one read that post as minimizing the need for adoptive families for girls. Clearly, as a mama to one and soon-to-be two adopted girls, I am not in any way against adopting girls. And, although I would challenge families adopting from Ch*na to seriously consider saying they are open to either gender, the one sweet girl from Bean's orphanage needs a mommy and a daddy every bit as much as those sixteen adorable little men. 

And, just FYI, she's her own big helping of adorable.  Wanna meet her?

This is Anastaxia. Is she pure cuteness, or what?  Miss Anastaxia was born in September 2013.  She was found in the Safe Haven Hatch at the gate of her orphanage when she was six months old. 

(For those of you who might not know, a Safe Haven Hatch is a place where parents can abandon their children with the knowledge that they will be found. While I can't even begin to wrap my mind and heart around the idea of walking away from my six-month-old baby, there are so many complicated, disheartening, unjust, and purely evil reasons that might cause a parent to feel compelled to make that choice: societal pressure, poverty, fear about a medical condition, lack of resources, family influence, pride. I choose to let my heart break for these families instead of judging them, because I cannot even imagine the path some of them have walked.)

Whatever the circumstances, precious six-month-old Anastaxia was found outside her orphanage, undernourished and with untreated hydrocephalus. People with hydrocephalus have a build-up of extra fluid on their brain. In September of 2014, Anastaxia had surgery to insert a V/P shunt to drain the excess fluid. 

Anastaxia's reports say that she can kick her feet, play with both her hands, and track a moving rattle.  She can also sit for a short time while leaning against an object. She makes sounds when she is spoken to, and is able to indicate when she wants a hug from her caregiver. Her file also says she has "smart eyes" and can smile when being teased. While Anastaxia has weak muscle tension, she is starting to become more active and adventurous.  She desperately needs a family that will challenge her to move and grow.

Think about what it would mean to this sweet girl to have a mama who holds her hand as she learns to walk. A daddy who wrestles with her. A brother who chases her around the living room. A sister who teaches her how to dig in the sand at the beach. A teasing, chasing, cuddling, laughing family could be the absolute best therapy for Miss Anastaxia.

Want to see Anastaxia in action? Check out this video. Be warned, her huge eyes and tiny bottom teeth are seriously heart-melting.

Anastaxia needs a family to address her medical needs as soon as possible. This blog post graphically illustrates how important it is for kiddos with hydrocephalus to receive early intervention and topnotch medical care. Although Anastaxia has been shunted, she is still in need of follow-up care, therapy, and careful monitoring.  (As a side note, the mama who wrote it is one of my super cool cyberworld adoption buddies. I'm sure she would be more than happy to talk to a family considering Anastaxia.) 

As of yesterday, there are no families considering Anastaxia. If you are interested in more information about her, please comment on this post. I'd be happy to get you in touch with my agency. (As always, I will not publish any comments with personal contact information.) Feel free to share this post with anyone who might be interested in pursuing the adoption of this precious girl.

Thank you for being a voice for a little girl who hasn't found hers yet.

Li'l Bean's Li'l Boyfriends

Once Li'l Bean gets home, she will undoubtedly have to follow Daddy's No-Dating-'Til-You're-35 Rule. (Sorry, boys, Li'l Miss and Li'l Bean are pretty much off-limits until sometime after 2040.)  While she's in Ch*na, though, it looks like Li'l Bean's orphanage is pretty much chock full of adorable potential boyfriends. Want to meet some of them? I'd love to introduce you.

Writing a post about adopting boys from Ch*na has been on my heart for a long time.  If you're like most people I've talked with, the idea of Ch*nese boys waiting to be adopted is a bit shocking to you. When you think of adoption from Ch*na, you probably picture rows and rows of cribs holding sweet baby girls. Maybe you're even one of the people who has said to me, "You brought home boys from Ch*na?" or "I thought Ch*na had lots of girls waiting to be adopted!"

If that's you, don't feel badly. Misconceptions about adoption from Ch*na are pretty widespread. Personally, I used to be convinced that adoption from Ch*na was only for very wealthy people who wanted to wait years and years for their child. (Oh, and then there was that part about being super skinny.) Boy, was I misinformed! Our adoption process taught me that not-so-rich mommies and daddies with a little tummy pudge can actually go from application to travel in less than a year. 

Trends in Ch*nese adoption have been changing for years, but the general public's knowledge of this evolution is lagging. When it comes to the number of boys waiting, the public's perception is way off.  Ch*na maintains a "shared list" of children currently registered for adoption.  (This list gets its name from the fact that it is shared by all agencies placing children from Ch*na.)  There are typically around 2,000 children on this list.  In recent months, approximately 3-out-of-4 of the children listed have been boys.  You read that correctly: roughly 1,500 of 2,000 waiting children are boys.

There are many reasons to account for the large number of waiting boys.  Some of them are actually very positive. For many years, Ch*nese parents have only been allowed one child, and the prized baby was a boy. Thankfully, the stigma toward baby girls has been lessening. The One Child Policy has been somewhat relaxed, so parents are sometimes able to try for a second child if their first is a girl.  Also, domestic adoption in Ch*na is on the rise. (YAY!) Healthy babies - and even some babies with surgically-repaired needs - are now being adopted in Ch*na. Many of those healthy baby girls who used to fill the waiting lists are now being adopted in-country.  These are encouraging changes!

Unfortunately, birth defects are on the rise in Ch*na. Between 2003-2013, birth defects in Ch*na increased by 70%. While Ch*nese parents are letting go of the stigma attached to having a girl, children with medical needs are still very stigmatized. Orphanage directors say that 90-98% of children entering their care in recent years have some type of special need. This means that most boys in orphanages have some type of medical need. 

It's a pretty big change in expectation for adoptive families to shift their focus from healthy baby girl to boy with special needs. Because of this, there are many more families open to young girls - especially those with "minor" needs - than to boys. This fact breaks my heart for so many reasons. In fact, I could probably fill another blog post (or ten) with my thoughts on the joys of mothering little guys. For now I'll just say that my boys - who came to us through the Ch*na Special Needs Program - are priceless treasures who bring joy to my heart and adventure to our family each and every day.

Li'l Bean's orphanage is no exception to the trends I've mentioned above. Our adoption agency is partnered with her orphanage (meaning they get many newly-listed children's files). Currently, they have sixteen boys waiting and just one girl. I know that my little blog can only do so much to change our entrenched views of Ch*nese adoption. One thing I can do, though, is demonstrate a real need. I want you to meet Li'l Bean's boyfriends. Each and every one of them is just as real, just as full of life, and just as in need of a family as our Bean.

Below are pictures and short bios of some of the boys waiting in Bean's orphanage. The names I've used are privacy names given by our agency. Sadly, the little guys whose bios are written in red have been waiting since Christmas. They were listed at the same time as our sweet girl, and they have yet to find their families. Their files will be returned to China's general list very soon. The boys with blue bios have been waiting since January and will go back to the shared list in April.

I implore you to take a few minutes to meet these sweet boys. The bios I've included are short, and there are lots of adorable pictures and even videos. Please pray for families to come forward for each one of these little guys, and consider whether you might have room at your house for one (or two!) of them.

Maverix - DOB 5/2013

This little man has stolen my heart. He shares a birthday with our daughter, and they have the same heart defect.  Unlike our daughter, Maverix has had surgery to repair his heart, but he still needs surgery for his bilateral cleft lip and cleft palate. Maverix's file says he enjoys baths and watching cartoons. You can watch him in action here.

Brinx - DOB 11/2012

Brinx has the cutest smile. His file says he is "smart, cute, and strong". His special need is post-operative anal atresia. (For those of you who live in the Midwest, Nationwide Children's is a great hospital for children with this need.) You can see Brinx in action here.

Parx - DOB 4/2011

This cutie is my Li'l Dude's age.  From this picture, he looks to be just as rough-and-tumble as my little guy.  Parx has a developmental delay (particularly in expressive language) and a history of seizures. He has good physical development and especially likes going to playground to swing. You can see this handsome little guy cuddle with his foster mother here.

Merrix - DOB 1/2013

This chunky-cheeked little man is described as "fat and cute". He likes to touch his caregiver's face while being cuddled.  He has PKU, which requires a special diet, and developmental delays. See him in action here. 

Kennewix - DOB 11/2012

I adore this sweet boy. Our Li'l Man had this haircut when we met him in Ch*na. Kennewix is said to have weakened muscle force in his limbs.  He likes watching children play and taking baths.  His file says that he likes to beat the water, splash, and smile while bathing.  You can watch a short video of Kennewix here.

Baileywix - DOB 5/2011

I love, love, love Baileywix. (Okay, I pretty much love them all.) This sweet boy has microtia (undeveloped ears) with some hearing loss. He is not completely deaf; the orphanage provided video that shows him following verbal directions. Baileywix has been in a foster-type environment.  Our agency has lots of pictures of this little guy.  There are baby pictures and pics of him cuddling with other foster children, like this one...

Baileywix is described as busy and bright-eyed.  You can watch him here.

Cedrix - DOB 10/2008

Is Cedrix handsome, or what? This sweet six-year-old is described by his caregivers as "smart and lovely". Cedrix was abandoned when he was three years old and now lives in a foster family. Cedrix is deaf and cannot speak, but he uses simple sign language and is able to express his needs.  Our agency believes he actually attends a school for deaf children, but this has not yet been confirmed.  Click here to watch a recent video of Cedrix walking to school.

Brunswix - DOB 3/2013

This little cutie celebrates his second birthday this month. His special need is post-op anal atresia. Brunswix is developmentally on target, and he is oh-so cute with those chunky cheeks. Check him out on video here.

Eastwix - DOB 2/2012

This little guy sounds like he is all boy. His report says he likes the swings, slide, and playing in the sand. He can speak the word "car" loudly when he sees a car. His special need is a brain scan difference. Watch out, his smile in this video will melt your heart. 

Renwix - DOB 4/2007

This adorable little guy is said to be clever, easygoing, and open. His file says he likes communicating with people and learns quickly.  He likes to read and can count and write from 1-100. He lives in a foster family where he helps his younger brother and sister put on his shoes and helps his foster mother with the trash. His special need is listed as Dandy-Walker syndrome.  Unfortunately, I don't have a video of this super cute little dude.

Zaxby - DOB 11/2012

Sweet Zaxby was abandoned when he was four months old. He has a heart defect and Down Syndrome. He likes to be teased and played with. Check out his teeth coming in and his sweet clapping in this video.

Harwix - 5/2008

Harwix has major delays due to brain underdevelopment. He lives in a foster home and loves getting attention from his caregivers.

Lexington - DOB 10/2011

Little Lexington was abandoned in October 2013 when he was two years old. He has muscle weakness in his legs but can walk with support. He likes to hold the milk bottles and feed the younger children. Check out his super cute pout and his All-American PJs in this video clip.

Drexler - DOB 9/2006

Drexler was found abandoned when he was two years old. He cannot hear or speak, but he has good a memory and is observant. Drexler also has a heart defect. He attends a special school for handicapped children.  He file says he gets good grades, respects his teacher, and gets along well with other children. 

Dominix - DOB 12/2009

Dominix was abandoned when he was three years old. He has been living in the orphanage for years because no one submitted his adoption paperwork. Dominix is blind, but he is described as a bright, smart, and independent boy. He lives in foster care and likes playing with other children.

Essex - DOB 11/2012

Essex is described in his file as having "smart eyes". He has postoperative hydrocephalus, a left indirect inguinal hernia, and low muscular tension. He can hold his milk bottle to drink, and he likes taking baths.

If you've made it this far, thank you! I'm so grateful that you were willing to take a few minutes to see these little men. These sweet guys, viewed by the world as imperfect in some way, have taken the place of healthy baby girls as the face of Ch*na's orphan crisis. These splashing, swinging, giggling boys are filling Ch*na's orphanages. They are waiting for mommies and daddies who could use a little more a crazy, a little more mud, and a few more sword battles in their families. Maybe one of those families is yours.