A Little Christmas Surprise

We've been talking about starting the adoption process again for awhile.  Over the last 25 months we've added two adorable boys to our family, bought a house that had been empty and unloved for a very long time, owned two houses at once for a very long time, listed and then tried to sell a house for a very long time (showing a house with three preschoolers is pretty much at the top of my list of 10 Least Favorite Things Ever), and fixed the garage door/carpet/drywall/toilets/cabinets/appliances/lighting/doors and more in our new house.  So, even though some of us have been sick with baby fever for quite a while,  those of us who tend to be a little more rational stinkin' slow to get on board suggested that maybe waiting to bring another child into our family would be a good idea.

For the last few months of 2014, Jeremy and I talked and prayed about the right time to begin the adoption process.  We included our kids in this discussion, and they were not slow to get on board.  (Li'l Miss has been asking for a sister pretty much since we got off the plane in 2012.  Li'l Man keeps announcing that he wants five boys and five girls, while proudly holding up both hands full of fingers. Li'l Dude...well...we're counting on him getting used to the idea.)  As a family, we decided to move forward at the beginning of 2015.  

Then we got a little Christmas surprise.

On Christmas Eve, our agency posted the files of several newly assigned waiting children.  When we woke up on Christmas morning, even more little ones had been listed.  One of those sweeties seemed like a good fit for our family.  (Actually, most of them did, but someone is cutting me off at one this time.)  We asked to see this little one's file and received it right away; because the awesome ladies on our adoption team work to find kids families even on Christmas.

On December 30, we officially told our agency we were ready to begin the adoption process, and that we would like to ask Ch*na's permission to make that little Christmas baby part of our family.  We've been quiet about this news because we've been waiting for Pre-Approval (PA) from Ch*na.  This is the first step in the process of adopting a specific child (basically the "matching" step).

This afternoon we got a call from our adoption agency.  They said that we have officially received PA for...

...OUR DAUGHTER!

I am beyond thrilled to introduce you to our Li'l Bean (who, in our unique family tradition, will probably not have an actual English name until the day we meet her).

Li'l Bean is 19 months old and has an unrepaired heart defect (which I will share more about in another post).  She has stolen our hearts, and we can't wait to meet her.  We are working hard to keep our process moving along.

In the meantime...girl names, anyone?

Baby Steps

Our happy little F*dEx envelope was sent on its way Wednesday evening and arrived at the U.S. Immigration lockbox yesterday morning!  (An ice storm that canceled school did its nasty best to keep me from picking up our finalized home study on Wednesday, but this mama wasn't going to be stopped by some slippery roads...Mom, just pretend you didn't read that part.)

Next step, Immigration approval!  This part of the process is super unpredictable and can take anywhere from just over two weeks (very optimistically) to 2-1/2 months (please, no!).  Thanks for your prayers and support as we take the next step on this adventure.

Of Stitches and Nights Spent in The ER

Adoptive parents say that when you decide to adopt, your life suddenly falls to pieces.  They claim that the month you send in your application, you're very likely to discover that your car is dead, your dryer isn't working, or you're being audited on your taxes.  

They might be onto something.

Last night I was in the kitchen making this super delish Chicken Tortilla Soup.  The kids were bouncing around wildly, because that's what you do during the Just-Before-Dinner Witching Hour.  (That is totally a real thing.  I swear.)  Suddenly I hear, "Please keep your arms and legs inside the ride."  Hhhhhhmmmmm...my kids may or may not have spent too much time at Disneyl*nd, and this sounds dangerous.

I step into the living room to find Li'l Miss giving the boys rides down the stairs in a plastic tote.  Honestly, it only looked semi-life threatening and I have some pretty good memories of sliding down the stairs as a kid, so I let them keep playing.  Daddy came home, and I kept working on our yummy dinner.

A little while later, the happy sliding/giggling started to sound a bit more like a frat party.  Daddy decided the stair rides needed to end before someone ended up crying, so he sent the kids into the play room...you know, so they'd be safer and all.

Unbeknownst to the grown-ups in the kitchen, our ever-so-creative kids don't need stairs for sliding.  As I was stirring the soup, they were building this...

...the perfect run for this nifty little toboggan. 

(As a side note, be proud of me.  I was sssssoooooo tempted to straighten up just a little before taking these pictures.  Now the whole world knows that every. single. room. in my house is covered in N*rf bullets.)

The one thing my little engineers failed to notice, was that their toboggan run ended here.

Ouch.  Apparently Li'l Miss and Li'l Dude were slightly nervous about hopping in the plastic toboggan.  Li'l Man, on the other hand, thought it was fantastic plan...until his forehead hit the bricks.  

Then, this happened.

So...I spent the evening at the ER with my Li'l Man, instead of enjoying a giant pot of Pioneer Woman's deliciousness.  It was sad.  The hardest part was helping the nurses hold him down while the doctor did the stitches.  They wrapped him in a big sheet so that he wouldn't grab at the needle.  He was not. a. fan.

He screamed and screamed like he could feel every stitch, while I laid on his legs and tried to calm him down.  I was pretty sure he was going to want nothing to do with me when the doctor was done, but I was wrong.  As soon as he got himself untangled from that sheet, he lunged his sweaty little self right into my arms.  Which was pretty awesome.

Two years ago, Li'l Man would have seen every adult in that room as someone to meet his needs.  He would have asked any of them to feed him or hold him or lift him up to the drinking fountain.  Last night he just wanted his mommy.  Such a happy feeling.

Li'l Man is going to be fine.  He pretty much forgot all about the stitch-induced torture as soon as the nurse told him he could take the empty syringes home to squirt in the bathtub.  And he had definitely forgotten the horrific screaming by the time he was back home eating two big bowls of the soup he'd missed for dinner.  Today he's banged up but much, much better.

(I think Daddy might have gone a little overboard on the re-bandaging.)

Last night I couldn't help thinking about how scared Li'l Man was in the hospital.  I couldn't help feeling his little arms wrapped oh-so tightly around me.  I couldn't imagine what it would have been like for him to get 87 numbing shots, or a CT scan, or stitches without his Mommy or Daddy right beside him. 

And then it hit me.  There's a little guy in Ch*na who has been on my mind for the past month.  He's precious and adorable and way too tiny.  This is Aaronz.

Aaronz has a broken heart.  His heart is too broken to get his body the oxygen it needs.  The doctors who examined him in Ch*na felt there was nothing they could do for him.

On Christmas Eve, our adoption agency received his medical file.  They immediately fell in love with this sick little guy who weighed in at 12 pounds just before his first birthday.

Thankfully, the amazing ladies at our adoption agency are fighters.  This little guy will never know how blessed to have them in his corner.  They very quickly worked out a way for him to travel to a major city for further testing on his heart.

He he is, shortly after arriving for testing.  (Can you handle the cuteness?)

This little guy took what was probably the longest trip he'd taken in his life.  He arrived, extremely sick and weak, at an unfamiliar hospital.  He had a heart cath and then possibly open heart surgery facing him in the next days and weeks.

And his caretakers declined to stay with him.  

Everyone he knew left him.

I don't know the circumstances surrounding this decision.  Maybe it was truly impossible for one of his nannies to stay.  But regardless, this tiny boy was left in the hospital all by himself.

Thinking about this makes me want to puke.  I was horrified by the thought of my four-year-old having to get a few stitches without me right beside him.  Yet here is a very, very sick baby facing heart surgery all alone.

Our broken world is full of injustice.  No child should ever celebrate a birthday or go off to kindergarten or have heart surgery alone.

Little Aaronz struggled after arriving in the hospital.  His O2 stats got very scary.  He was gray and on oxygen 24/7.

Amazingly, he stabilized and was able to have his heart cath.  Even better than that, the doctors decided that his heart is operable!  This sweet little guy is scheduled for major heart surgery this Friday.  (For all you heart mamas and daddies, he's having the Glenn Procedure.)

The organization helping to sponsor Aaronz's care hired a nanny for him.  He adores her.  In fact, she reported that all he wants to do is eat while he's with her.  That is awesome news.  Grow, little guy, grow!

As happy as I am that Aaronz is not alone, he will be again soon.  The woman holding him is a hired caretaker, not a forever mommy.  Aaronz is still an orphan.  He has no one who is truly there for him.  No who is willing to stay for all the pain, all the surgeries, and all the stitches.  He has no mama.

I hate that.

You and I, we can change this.  We can pray for Aaronz, we can share his story, and - just maybe - one of us can be his mommy.

Adoption is not an easy road.  It's unpredictable, heartbreakingly difficult, and full of the unexpected.  (And it might cost you your 'fridge.)  None of our adoptions have been easy.  But they have all been worth it.  100% worth it.  Because, at the end of this crazy journey, there is a child who will never again be alone.

(If you'd like more information about Aaronz, please comment here with your contact information.  Don't worry, I won't publish any comments with personal information.)

Braving the Paperwork Jungle

Be warned, if you're not at least a teeny bit interested in the adoption process, this post is probably going to be adoption vocabulary overkill.  Check out the italicized paragraph...errr...paragraphS for a mini-update written especially for you! :)

Our super awesome social worker, Jan, has been working very diligently on our home study. <3 her!  The home study is basically a mini-novel about our family.  It includes information about our background, education, marriage, children, number of fire extinguishers in our house, etc.  While we work on collecting other paperwork required by Ch*na, the home study is the main document that we need to move on from this phase in our process. 

Once our home study is approved, we can apply for approval to adopt from U.S. Immigration.  So...BUM-BUM-BUM...we had our final visit with Jan today, and she was able to complete our home study this afternoon!  Once it is approved by our placement agency (the agency that works directly with us and Ch*na), we can get in a F*dEx envelope and off to U.S. Immigration.  We're hoping that will happen tomorrow or Wednesday.  Woohoo!  We are one step closer to getting through the paperwork jungle phase of our adoption process.

Okay, for those of you who are sticking around for a more detailed explanation, I thought I'd take a few minutes to explain where we are in the process of adopting from Ch*na and what is coming next.  I know the idea of adopting internationally can seem intimidating and scary -- believe me, I've had my moments of paralyzing anxiety over misplaced notary stamps and re-stapled documents -- so I'm hoping that sharing the completely OCD details of our journey will paint a clearer and much simpler picture of the international adoption process.  If you're starting the process of adopting internationally, considering adoption from Ch*na, or just trying to keep up with your crazy friend's adoption adventures, this part of the post is for you.

I need to start with a little bit of adoption vocabulary.

Placement Agency - The adoption agency that works directly with families and the country from which they will be adopting.  Families in the United States can work with placement agencies anywhere in the U.S.  Ours is actually in Washington State.

Home Study Agency - As I mentioned above, the home study is a thick document required for all international adoptions.  It requires at least one visit to your home by a licensed social worker and then additional visits in your social worker's office.  Because of this, families who do not live in close proximity to their placement agency will use a separate agency (usually located within a couple hours of their home) to complete their home study.  We are in this situation.

Dossier - A gigantic stack of paperwork that goes to the country from which you hope to adopt.  This mound of documents includes things like the adoptive parents' birth certificates, the home study, elementary school report cards, and criminal background checks.

Alright, vocab done.

Adoption, international or domestic, is a bit of a roller coaster.  Every family's process looks different, and every country/agency/adoption is pretty much one-of-a-kind.  That being said, I'm going to attempt to outline the first few steps most families take when adopting internationally.

Step One: Choose A Country
This was an easy one for us this time around.  We had a very positive experience with Ch*na's process when we brought our boys home in 2012, and we are excited to be headed back for Baby #4.  (Just FYI...there are quite a few other countries that currently allow U.S. citizens to adopt; Taiwan, Ukraine, Bulgaria, Ethiopia, Uganda, Haiti, India, and Columbia are a few of them.)

Step Two: Choose A Placement Agency
Once a family has chosen a country, they need to decide on a reputable and ethical agency that works in their country of choice.  Each agency that does international adoptions works with specific countries.  Because we had already decided to return to Ch*na and we have a placement agency that we absolutely love, this was another easy step for us.

Step Three: Placement Agency Paperwork/Application Fee
Each placement agency requires specific paperwork from a family desiring to begin the adoption process.  This usually includes an application (with a fee) and several other documents indicating that the applying family understands the process, the agency's services and fees, etc.  This part of the paperwork is usually pretty quick and simple.  We were able to print these papers off of our agency's website and then just scan and email them back.

Step Four: Choose A Home Study Agency
As I've already mentioned, if a family does not live near their placement agency, they will need to choose another agency to complete their home study.  Their placement agency will usually help them do this.  For our last adoption from Ch*na we had to drive about two-and-a-half hours to meet with our social worker.  Thankfully, this time around, we are able to use a much closer agency that we've worked with several times in the past.  We love this agency and our social worker.

Step Five: Assemble A Dossier
Each country requires specific documents that make up a potential adoptive family's dossier.  One of these is always a completed home study.  When it comes to a Ch*na dossier, the home study takes much longer to complete than any of the other required paperwork.  While we've been meeting with Jan for our home study, we've also been collecting birth certificates, background checks, medical forms, and several other things.  This is our fourth dossier, and I'm feeling like an expert this time around.  (Adoptive mom friends, read: Collecting paperwork is a cinch once you've done it a time or four.  You should totally just start working on a dossier and come to Ch*na with me.)

Most or all of the documents in a dossier need to be notarized and authenticated.  Notarization is easy; most banks have a notary who will notarize documents for a small fee (or for free).  Authentication involves driving or sending documents to the capital of the state in which they originated where they get a special stamp and certificate.  (For example, I was born in California, so my birth certificate must be notarized in Sacramento or LA.  I know that LA is not the capital of California, but those West Coast people are weird like that.)  This process usually involves a fee for each document.

The final piece of paper needed for our dossier is U.S. Immigration approval.  This can take anywhere from two weeks to two months.  Once our home study is finalized, we'll be done with everything for our dossier except this approval.

Step Six: Dossier to Ch*na (DTC)
Once we get our U.S. Immigration approval (a simple little form called an I-171h), we'll take our gigantic stack of paperwork to our state capital for authentication.  (We had three documents from out of state, and we've already sent those to be authenticated.)  From there, our dossier will go to Washington, D.C. for more fancy stamps.  Then, it's off to our placement agency and on to Ch*na.  At this point in the process, we'll officially be "DTC".

There you go.  Everything you ever wanted to know about our adoption process.  (Although if you have questions or want the really extra boring details, I'm happy to chat.)  The most exciting part of this post is that we're getting closer to being done with paperwork, and finishing our paperwork gets us one step closer to meeting Baby #4.  And that is 100% worth all the notarizing, background checking, blood testing, paperwork signing, and home inspecting that has filled our life lately.

At the Beginning...Again

Beginnings are awkward.

The beginning of a new friendship is filled with did-she-really-mean-it-when-she-said-she-had-fun?s.  And will-she-totally-judge-me-for-the-lip-prints-on-my-patio-door?s.  Followed by the did-she-notice-that-I-had-no-clue-what-she-meant-when-she-started-talking-about-thieves-and-a-diffuser?s.  And the if-she's-one-of-those-people-who-actually-makes-the-things-she-pins-on-Pinterest-we-totally-can't-be-friends.  

Beginning a new relationship is even worse.  Do you call him, or wait for him to call you?  Is he playing hard to get, or does he just not like you all that much?  And are you supposed to play hard to get or drop subtle hints that you like him?  Does he find your nervous habits endearing...or annoying?  Is this whole dating thing really worth the effort?

Then there's the beginning of a new stage in your life -- like becoming a parent.  You get ready to leave the hospital and find yourself thinking, Are they really just going to let us walk out of here with this tiny person?  That doctor had to notice that we have no clue what we're doing.  Ohmyword, we are responsible for keeping this itty-bitty human alive.  And then there are the three months after that when you never sleep and you smell like spit-up 24/7 and you forget really important things (like the fact that your shoes should match when you leave the house).  

Fast forward a few years to the time when you go from one child to two (or, if you're crazy like us, one child to three).  Not only are you suddenly playing zone instead of man defense, the child who used to have you all to themselves goes completely ballistic and you find yourself parenting two toddlers and a psycho.  Fun times.

 In case you haven't guessed, beginnings are not my favorite.  That being said, my life is pretty much chock full of beginnings at the moment.

It's the beginning of 2015.  I'm not huge on New Year's Resolutions.  (Mostly because they seem to last an average of about 6-1/2 days in my world.)  Official resolutions or not, the start of a new year is a reflective time.  Even I, Miss-N0-Resolutions, like to think back on memories from the past year and look ahead to goals and plans for the coming year.  It thrills my little OCD self to fill up my calendar and make fun lists.  I mean, how can a crossed-out list with an alliterative title not give you chills?  How lovely is this?

15 Fun Things to Do as A Family in 2015

Movie at the theater

Camping

Visit the children's museum

Build a treehouse

But I digress.

I'm trying to begin blogging...again.  It's kind of nerve-wracking.  I know I used to blog, but I'm pretty sure half my brain has died since then.  I swear having three kids under five kills brain cells...or steals them...or something.  Or maybe it's just the sleep deprivation talking.  Then there's the fact that I used to blog in complete glorious silence.  As I type this, there are three little people giving me a make-over.  (You try piecing together a coherent sentence while one child is not-so-gently putting pig tails in your hair and another is spilling eye shadow on your keyboard.  It's. Not. Easy.)

(As a side note, I totally used to judge adoptive moms who blogged prolifically during their adoption process and then dropped off the face of the earth after coming home.  I swore I wouldn't do that.  I had every good intention of continuing to chronicle our adoption journey after coming home.  Then we came home.  So, if you're one of those moms....I'm so, so sorry. I didn't get it.  I was wrong.)

The most monumental new beginning in our life is we're starting the adoption process to go to Ch*na for Baby #4.  We're jumping back into the paperwork-gathering trenches.  Once again, we are collecting birth certificates and getting blood tests and donating a good portion of our life savings to F*dEx.

Even though beginnings aren't my favorite, it's hard to imagine what life would be like without them.  

All my besties were once strangers.  Those super awesome girls I call when I need to vent or cry or drink wine eat chocolate were once the acquaintances who made me totally self-conscious about the processed food in my pantry.  

I had a first date with my husband.  The amazing guy who has stuck with me for eleven years and been across an ocean to bring our babies home and still thinks I'm hot even with gray hair was once the guy I wasn't sure whether to call...or ignore...or kiss.     

I survived the first days home with our littles.  My three awesome kids who are getting crazy big and who love each other bunches and who are only psycho on rare occasions were each brand-new once.

So...here's to awkward, difficult, unpredictable new beginnings.  I don't love you, but I know you're just one small part of the story.  And I know you're worth it.  In fact, I'm actually a little excited to find myself standing at the beginning...all over again.

(Please tell me mascara comes off of computer screens.)