14 Days

Late last week I learned that the new special needs list should be approved on October 10.  (Backstory: As of July 11, the country we are hoping to adopt from will only allow children under five to be adopted internationally if they have a sibling over five or a special need on "The List".  HIV is not on the current working list, so we are waiting on the official list to see if we can continue the process to bring our little ones home.)  We are two of many, many parents waiting, praying, and counting the minutes until the new list is made public.


I am personally aware of families hoping to adopt children with HIV (like us), FAS, hydrocephaly, brittle bone disease, and kidney disease. I support our country's efforts to encourage adoption by their own citizens (which, as I understand it, is the stated goal of this list).   I believe that it is Plan A for children to be raised by capable, loving biological parents. In my opinion, domestic adoption is Plan B, and international adoption is Plan C.  Obviously a loving home with parents who speak a familiar language and share a common cultural heritage should enable the smoothest transition possible for an adopted child.  However, the children with the needs I've mentioned above are not often adopted in their own country.


It breaks my heart to think that this law would keep children - who have families that desperately want to bring them home - in an orphanage until they are five years old (or perhaps even longer).  I know the world of adoption is complicated, and the good is often tangled up with the bad.  After two years in this process, my knowledge of international adoption and the way the process works in other countries barely scrapes the surface of all there is to know.  I know my perspective is limited, but my heart breaks for children who suffer because of politics, greed, twisted motives, and selfishness.  


Please pray for those involved in making decisions about which conditions should be on the final list.  Pray that they would put their own agendas aside (whatever those might be) and make decisions based on what is best for these children.  Pray that God would be working to set these orphans in families.  And pray that those of us who are waiting would trust God to care for these children, would have peace in the midst of uncertainty, and would not allow any obstacle to cause us to lose sight of our desire to see precious little ones find their mamas and papas.


Many people have asked me what will happen in 14 days if HIV is added to the list,  My answer: I have no idea! :)  Our country is in the process of transitioning to a new adoption ministry.  That change-over should happen soon and may affect adoptions in unexpected ways.  If our process continues according to what has been typical - I'm not holding my breath for this because it certainly hasn't happened so far! - this is approximately what our timeline will look like...


October 11 - HIV is added to the official special needs list.


Late October/Early November - We travel to EE for our appointment with the SDA (the current adoption entity).  At this appointment, we are officially matched with our child/ren.  (As you may know, some families choose a child to pursue earlier in the adoption process.  However, our country does not make an official match until a family travels and has their appointment with the SDA.  Because of this, we have chosen to wait until our appointment - or at least closer to our appointment - to identify our child/ren.  Let me know if you'd like more clarification about this.)


Late October/Early November - After our appointment with the SDA, we travel to meet our child/ren.  If we decide to continue with our adoption after meeting our child/ren, a court date is scheduled.  This date is usually about two weeks out from a family's first meeting with their child/ren.  We will stay in country for these two weeks, visiting with our child/ren once or twice a day.


Early November - We have our court date and travel home.  (At least Jeremy will travel home at this point.  I have the option of staying but will probably be coming home as well.)  After court, there is a ten-day waiting period before our adoption is finalized.  This waiting period is mostly a formality and not something that I am particularly worried about.


Mid-November - After the ten-day wait, I and a Traveling-Partner-Yet-to-Be-Named (anyone up for a trip to Eastern Europe?) return to our country to pick up our child/ren.  This trip usually takes about 7-10 days and involves a lot of paperwork (passport, visa, embassy stuff) that I don't have all figured out quite yet.


So...there you have it: a possible but not necessarily probable timeline.  Yes, we could be home with our children before my birthday (November 22) or we could encounter any number of new bumps and detours on our journey.


Thanks so much for your continued prayers and support, your valiant attempts to understand all the twists and turns of this journey, and your friendship.  14 days of waiting left - please keep praying!

Three Weeks and Counting...

October 11 is exactly three weeks from today.  

The date that's been at the back of my mind for three long months will be here in 21 days.  

I wish that sounded soon.  

I feel like I'm in one of those dreams where you try so hard to do something (run, wake up, stop falling) and you just can't.  Somehow, no matter how many days I wait, October 11 never seems to get any closer.  I swear there's a crazy wrinkle in the space-time continuum that's swallowed October 11.  (Yes, I am a total 80's child who has watched Back to the Future more times than I can count.)

In all seriousness, this waiting is not fun.  I am beyond ready to go get our little ones.  It hurts my heart to know that they are there - across the ocean - without a family, and we would bring them home tomorrow if we could.  

As I mentioned in an earlier post, there is one orphanage in our country that is specifically for children with HIV.  The odds are good that we will be traveling to that orphanage.  I was able to find a photo gallery of pictures taken there last fall.  

The pictures show that the orphanage is clean and neat.  The walls are colorful.  The caretakers have taken the time to decorate some of the rooms themselves.  There are toys and preschool-type supplies.  I've heard the director is very kind and truly wants the best for the children.  I am very thankful for all of these things, because I know that this is so much more than some other children have. 

In spite of all these good things, there's one picture that breaks my heart.  I look at it and cry.  It's of two children taking a nap.  They are sleeping in two twin beds that are pushed up against each other.  About eighteen inches from one of the beds is another set of beds.  Next to those beds is another set of beds.  You get the idea.

Why does this picture bring tears to my eyes?  It's because I think of my Emma.  She's three, just like many of the children in this orphanage.  I imagine her sleeping in a bed next to another little boy or girl, just one in a row of sleeping children.  

And I think of our bedtime routine at home: the hugs and kisses, the prayers, the crocodile banishing, the cuddling with daddy, the fourteen sleep-avoiding trips to the bathroom.  

And then I think of what the three-year-olds at this orphanage are missing.  And I think of how badly I want two of them here, sleeping under our roof.  Here, asking for one more glass of water.  Here, being kissed and loved and prayed over.  

And I cry.

So...other than looking at sweet faces on the internet, how am I trying to get through the next three weeks?  Well, you can find me here...

...trying to expend some of my nervous energy doing crazy preschool activities with Emma. 

Or here...

...using more nervous energy (and a lot of elbow grease), scrubbing the hardwood floor that was hiding under the carpet in our playroom/future kids' room.  (Yes, my nesting instincts have kicked into overdrive.  Jeremy is dreading my next project idea, I'm sure.)

You might also find me looking forward to another day.  A day much more important than October 11.  I'm anticipating the day when my Savior returns to this earth and rights the wrongs that I don't understand.  The day when no child will go to bed lonely because there will be no more orphans.  The day when my tears will be wiped away by the one who loves me more than I love these precious little ones.  I can't wait for that day.

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death will not exist any more - or mourning, or crying, or pain; the former things have ceased to exist."

-Revelation 21:4

Hallm*rk Block

I have the worst time shopping for cards.  I walk into Hallm*rk, and I become totally incapable of decision making.  Not only that, but my three-year-old is in love with those cards that talk or play songs.  So, she walks into Hallmark and begins taking every. single. one. off the shelves.  Meaning that I spend most of my shopping time trying to keep her from crunching a card that costs $5.99.


I was in Hallm*rk yesterday some time ago, shopping for a birthday card for Jeremy.  I think I read about 92 cards, and there wasn't a single one that said exactly what I wanted.  First of all, I wanted something with no rhyming.  A card for my 31-year-old husband shouldn't sound remotely like anything written by Dr. Seuss.  "On your special day, you take my breath away."  I mean, really?  


(Okay, so I didn't actually read that on a card, but you thought I did for minute.  Didn't you?)  


Second, I know this is going to shock you, but our life is not perfect.  We don't spend all of our days gazing into each other's eyes in blissful happiness.  (I'm hoping this is normal, but after seven-and-a-half years I'm still figuring out this whole marriage thing.)  I read way too many cards that said something like, "So glad we're living happily ever after together".  That's not us.  Our life is a whole lot less Disneyish than that.  We've been through some tough stuff together. 


I did finally pick a card.  It's cute.  It's sweet.  It's not exactly right.


So, in honor of the day that makes my husband officially as old as I am, I decided to write my own card.  Here goes.


This road we've walked together hasn't been easy.  Our journey has taken us through valleys where the darkness was so thick it caught in our throats and we thought we'd never feel the smile of sunshine on our faces again.  We've climbed rugged mountains that have stolen our breath and made our muscles scream with each agonizing step.  We've wandered through deserts of anticipation - waiting...waiting...waiting.


I can't see what the road ahead holds.  Joy?  Disappointment?  Confusion?  It doesn't matter.  Because in each place our journey has led, we've been together.  We've looked to our heavenly Father and done our best to follow his leading together.  Your hand has been in mine, and I have never doubted your love for me.  You have been my rock: strong, steady, and true.  


Thank you for walking beside me, for carrying me when I couldn't take another step, and for holding the lantern when I felt lost in the darkness.  I can't imagine taking this journey without you.  

Happy birthday, babe.  I love you forever.

P.S.  I think you're pretty hot.

Wednesday's Waiting Child: Darren

UPDATE (1-26-12): Darren now has a family working to bring him home.


I am so incredibly excited about today's waiting child that I am actually starting this post on Tuesday because Wednesday just couldn't come fast enough. This little boy is beyond precious. He has been on my heart for quite a while. His picture on Reeces Rainbow was just updated, and my heart absolutely melted when I saw this...

What a little ray of sunshine! This is “Darren” (not his real name). He's two years old, and he has Down Syndrome. He lives in an orphanage in the country-that-cannot-be-named. His parent(s) decided not to take him home from the hospital when he was born, so the orphanage has been his home for his entire life.

I wish I knew more about Darren. I do know that he's happy and full of life and has bright blue eyes. To the best of my knowledge, he does not have any of the heart issues that sometimes accompany Down Syndrome.

OH. MY. GOODNESS. Does he look like he would be a blessing to a family, or what? Check out his cute folded hands.

I was able to dig up some older pictures of Darren. These were taken in May of 2010, around Darren's first birthday. Nothing quite like a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy in a sailor suit!

I am incredibly optimistic that someone will go get this sweetie, but he's been waiting for more than two years and it hasn't happened yet. The reality is that Darren's future doesn't look good if he stays where he is now. In as little as twenty months, this sweet boy could be transferred to a mental institution. And that thought hurts my heart.

Darren's orphanage is in an “easy” region. The adoption process in this region is usually very quick (and, therefore, less expensive). I actually have a friend who is traveling to Darren's orphanage to adopt her little boy later this month, so I'd be happy to give you her contact information if you'd like to know more about this region and/or the adoption process in this country.

Do you have room in your heart for this beautiful little one? Do you know someone who might? Please pass his picture along. And, most of all, please pray for this precious boy to find his family soon. Thanks, guys!

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On another note, we signed Em up for swim lessons this fall.  She has been loving the water this summer, and I'd like her to keeping swimming during the cold months so she doesn't have to start all over next summer.  She had her first lesson this morning.  I took my camera, with visions in my head of the cute, splashy pictures I would share with you guys today.  Um, not so much...

After completely freaking out the first two times the instructor tried to swim with her, Emma began politely saying, "No, thank you" every time she was asked to get in the pool.  So, she pretty much spent the lesson sitting on the edge of the pool watching the other kids swim.  Oh well, we'll keep trying.

The Best Thing about Fall

The sky is cloudy.  The mornings are chilly.  The leaves are turning.  I have to admit it: summer is saying goodbye.


I love summer.  Love everything about it.  I'll never tire of long hot days at the lake, camping out with my two favorite people, or watching the fireflies dance across the front lawn.  (I so missed out on fireflies growing up in California!)


September is a little bittersweet in my mind.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of hot cider, campfires on chilly evenings, and pumpkin carving parties.  It's just...well...the further we get from the blazing days of summer, the closer we get to that horrible cold season that I could completely live without.  January is not my friend.


There's one thing about fall and the beginning of w***** that helps me overcome my end-of-the-summer doldrums.  Something I love even more than apple cider.  Something I look forward to every. single. weekend.  I know, I'm a total tomboy, but it's the NFL that keeps me going.


I love watching football.  Seriously.  I don't just watch it because it's something fun and cuddly to do with my husband (although it is!), I really watch it.  I understand things like horse collars, two point conversions, and laterals.  This isn't something that's grown on me since I married a former football stud.  I LOVED the 49ers growing up.  My best friend's dad had season tickets about 20 rows up on the 35 yard line.  (Yes, I've practically touched Steve Young and Jerry Rice.) 


So...in light of what I think is the best thing about fall...happy first NFL Sunday!  And, although I know this is sort of a lost cause at this point, GO COLTS!!!  (Scroll down for a quick adoption update.)

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As many of you know, we're waiting on a certain Eastern European country to expand their special needs list so we can go get our little ones.  (The current list does not include HIV, so children under five who are HIV+ are not eligible for international adoption.)  The new list is supposed to be released no later than October 11.  That's a month from tomorrow.


I received some pictures from a friend who adopted an adorable little girl from our country in May.  It is very possible that we will adopt from the same orphanage she did as all the children in this orphanage are HIV+.  My friend emailed me a bunch of pictures of the children who are still living in the orphanage.  Looking at the pictures hurt my heart.  Seeing the smiles, the precious faces, the real children who are living each day without mamas and papas.  It's hard to know that these little ones are waiting and so are we.  Waiting to go meet them.  Waiting to hug and cuddle them.  Waiting to be their mama and papa forever and ever. Ouch!


So many little ones will be left waiting if the list is not expanded.  Please pray for this situation as October 11 gets closer.  Pray that those involved in the decision making process would put politics aside and consider the needs of these precious children.  Pray that the door would swing wide open for families to go get waiting children with HIV, FAS, hydrocephaly, kidney problems, heart problems, and many more special needs.  (I personally know of families who are waiting right now to bring home a little one/s with each of the special needs listed above.)


We are hearing encouraging rumors (like that there is a draft list nearing completion and that HIV is expected to be on it), but these are only rumors at this point.  We do know that the list could be released at any time - even as soon as this week!!!  How amazing would that be?!?


Thanks for your prayers and encouragement.  I was blown away by all the sweet comments I got after posting on Tuesday.  You guys are the best!

An Unexpected Blessing

Fall arrived here overnight.  95 on Saturday and 65 on Tuesday = Fall in the Midwest.  So, I'm curled up on the couch with my yummy Trader Joe's chai - thanks, Mom! - to blog about another crazy twist in our adoption adventure.  I wish you all could be here so I could share this fun news in person.  (I'd share my chai, too! ;)


If you've been following along with our adoption journey, you know things haven't been easy and the road certainly hasn't been smooth.   (If you want to catch up, you can read about how this adventure began here and how a law change has us waiting and praying for our future little ones in Eastern Europe here.)  The last three months I have struggled to wait patiently on God's timing and his direction for our family.  I have longed to have our future children home, to watch them play in the yard with Emma, to hold them and kiss away their tears.  It has been a hard three months for this mama's heart.


Two weeks ago, I got a text that took me by surprise.  The text was sent by a friend who is hoping to adopt a baby domestically.  She and her husband had been contacted about a birthmother in Texas.  They didn't feel that this baby was a fit for their family, so they passed along our contact information.  During the past two weeks we've sent an introductory letter and pictures to this birthmother, prayed for this unborn little one, and contacted an attorney.  And...


...we're expecting a baby on March 16!!!


Wow!  This is not the direction we thought our journey was going but what a surprise blessing!  I have to confess that I've debated about whether or not to share this news publicly.  Before Emma was born, we experienced a failed adoption.  It was hard.  Beyond hard.  Part of me wanted to keep this news a secret to protect my heart from hurting that way again.  But then I reconsidered.  You - my amazing friends, family, and blog-land acquaintances - have been there for me along this journey in an amazing way.  You've shared words of encouragement and support. You've rejoiced when we rejoiced and cried when we cried.  I am confident that all of you will be there for us on our next adventure - no matter how things work out.


Some of you might be wondering how this adoption affects our process in Eastern Europe.  That was one of our first considerations when we were approached with this new possibility.  Our hearts are in EE.  We feel that God has called us to EE and to HIV adoption.  I think of the sweet faces of waiting children every. single. day.  


We have communicated with our birthmom and our social worker about our desire to continue with our adoption in EE if the door opens.  (C'mon new list!)  Both expressed 100% approval.  If the special needs list is expanded next month, we'll be headed to EE.


So, yes, we could possibly welcome home our fourth child in March.  (Who wants to sign up to babysit?)  


Crazy?  Absolutely!  


Unexpected?  Totally.  


A HUGE BLESSING? Definitely.

Say Cheese!

I really meant to take a break from blogging over the holiday weekend, but I just got Emma's three-year pictures back and couldn't resist sharing a few of my favorites.  My friend, Marissa, took her pictures on Wednesday evening.  She did such an amazing job!  It was fun to be outside instead of in a studio, and I really feel like the photos capture Em's good mood after being bribed with Goldfish multiple times Em's personality.  Enjoy!

This one is special because Emma is reading a copy of Cinderella that I received as a gift from my uncle when I was six.  It's one of her favorite books right now.  She loves hearing it and reading it herself!

I love, love, love all of these, but I think this one is my absolute favorite.

The photographer gave Em this old camera to "take pictures", and Emma did not want to put it down.  If you look carefully at the tent picture above, you can see she's still holding the camera.

So thankful to be able to capture memories of my goofy, precocious, beautiful three year old.  Marissa, you totally rock!  

School Days

Thursday night Jeremy and I went on a double date with some friends.  We took in a baseball game at a nearby minor league ballpark.  It was a fun night, but the game started at 7:05pm and went until the bottom of the 11th inning - yawn!  Needless to say, our second day of preschool didn't get off to a super timely start.  (I guess starting our day at 10:30 is one of the pros of preschool at home. ;)


Here's Emma making letters in rice on a cookie sheet.  (Thanks, Connie, for your great idea!)  I tried to convince Em that it was like writing in the sand by a pond, but she was pretty sure it was just rice. 

Emma made "Ants on a Log" for snack.  Yes, all you organic mamas out there, I am trying to make up for my horribly unhealthy trail mix snack on Tuesday. :)

September is off to a blazing start, so we're soaking up the last hot days of summer.  Today we played an outside game called "Hop Across the Pond".  I used blue sidewalk chalk to draw two wavy lines to represent the two sides of our pond.  I filled the middle of the "pond" with stepping stones; each stone had a number on it (1-5).  Emma had to hop across the pond, calling out each number as she hopped on it.  She really had fun and was excited to teach Daddy how to play when he came home from work.

(Mom and Dad, can you tell that Em's wearing her Real Dirt shirt from Kauai?  She loves it!)

We finished the day with a craft.  Emma and I made a backpack out of a garbage bag, duct tape, and fabric strips.  Emma got to sit outside and paint her backpack.  This was definitely the highlight of the day for her.  She loved, loved, loved painting.  I'm going to have to think of more things we can do with paint.

Here's Emma modeling her new backpack.  She insisted on bringing it with her while we ran errands and even wore it into the bank.  (Our bank has been amazingly supportive of our adoption journeys.  One women there notarizes everything we have ever needed - which has amounted to quite the gigantic stack of paperwork - for free.  She helped us with Em's adoption as well, and she's always excited to see Em.)

Speaking of adoption, I have some really exciting news to share.  Check back on Tuesday, and I'll fill you in! :)  Enjoy the long weekend!