Exactly two months ago, this sweet girl officially became part of our family.
Exactly one week ago, I sat curled on a couch in the CVICU and wrote this post. I was exhausted and scared and brokenhearted. My baby girl was so, so sick. Her body was overloaded with fluid, and her liver was struggling. The doctors had reintubated her and inserted a second chest tube. As I sat down to write, all I could think was, I don't have words for this.
And now, seven days later, I'm once again sitting on a hospital couch searching for the words to convey what my heart is feeling. This afternoon I held Bean in my arms while she slept. All the tubes and wires are gone now; her little body is working just fine on its own. As I rocked her, I looked up at the monitors. Her oxygen saturation was 97%: no vent, no cannula, just my baby's heart and lungs filling her body with a normal level of oxygen.
What a beautiful sight.
Yesterday morning, we woke up in the ICU; now the doctors are talking about sending us home. I am so thankful for where we are today, but we couldn't have gotten here alone. Last Saturday, I was spent. When I woke up Sunday morning, I think I was crying before I opened my eyes. And I wasn't even the one fighting the hardest battle. Bean's little body had been through so much and was still fighting hard.
What I don't have the words to express is how, when our family was hurting and broken and scared, you carried us. Over the last two weeks, we have been utterly overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support we have received from our family, our friends, our church, and even complete strangers. People have written notes, brought meals, watched our big kids, listened to us cry, called at the right moment, driven hours to be with us, and prayed like crazy for our Li'l Bean.
Two months and one day ago, our baby girl woke up in a orphanage. Today she is more loved than I could ever have imagined. And as much as I want my girl to grow up with a whole heart, even more I want her to grow up knowing the heart of Jesus. What we've experienced the last two weeks has been a breathtaking glimpse of the kind of thing that my Jesus does. He brings family to the lonely. He gives strength to the weak. He carries the brokenhearted. He sends his children to love the hurting.
And I don't have the words for this. I don't have the words to express the beautiful love that has been poured out on us over the last two weeks. I don't have the words to express my gratitude to all of you. I don't have the words to tell you what it's like to see my baby coming back to me.
My heart is so full, and I just don't have the words for all that I'm feeling. But, even though any words I write just won't be enough, I want you to know that I'm incredibly grateful. You have shown our family and our Li'l Bean what it means to be loved and to be loved well.
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