Look-A-Like or Our Little Man?

I just discovered a Yahoo group of mamas who are adopting from our little man's orphanage in China.  (This could be bad news; I see many hours of blog stalking in my future.)  I think it's amazing that I can get on the internet and find families whose children might have played with our son.  Families who have traveled to the orphanage where "Jonathan" lives.  (Yes, Lil' Miss's name is starting to stick.  And it means "gift of God".  How can you argue with that?)

Even more amazing than meeting other China mommies, is meeting one that might have a picture of our son!  When I introduced myself to the group, two moms immediately suggested I check out this picture.

One of these mamas had received this picture because her little guy is the boy on the left.  I've cropped him out because I'm still not 100% sure what the official rule is about sharing pictures on the internet.  (I did leave enough of him in for you to see that he's wearing the same shirt and shoes that Jonathan is wearing in the pictures we have of him.  Crazy the ways kids in an orphanage share everything.)  Her little boy turns two in May, while Jonathan turns two in April.  It makes a lot of sense that they would be in the same room/group at the orphanage.

So...I want to hear what you think.  Here are the pictures we have of Jonathan.

Here's the new picture, side-by-side with the head shot we have.

What's your vote?  Do you think this little mystery guy is our son?

Obviously, there's probably no way we'll know for sure.  But, when you possess exactly three pictures of your twenty-month-old son (that apparently were all taken in the same room on the same day), the thought of having one more is pretty darn exciting.  Plus, the face that little guy is making is just oh-so-adorable.  Makes me wish all the more that I could bring him home tomorrow.

One more thing...in the file of information we were given to review about our son, there was a line that said, "He likes to suck his fingers to seek the sense of safety".  (Gotta' love the way things get translated!)  The little guy above definitely has a couple fingers in his mouth.  And, if you're close to our family, you know that will be finger-lover #2 for our house.  (Lover #1 being the sweet girl who just left something that very definitely looks like a chunk of French fry on the laptop screen "kissing" her brother.)

Leave a comment...I really want to hear what you think!

Adoption News

We got some really fun adoption news for Christmas.  Our agency had some grant money they needed to disperse before December 24.  They emailed to let us know that they decided to give us a $2,000 grant! This is something we did not apply for and were not expecting: definitely an awesome Christmas blessing!


Please pray for us as we begin to tackle the gigantic stack of paperwork that will be our China dossier.   Unfortunately, we are going to have to start over on everything - including a few of the documents that took us the longest with Ghana and Eastern Europe.  (Remember all my sad posts about waiting on U.S. Immigr*tion?  Yup, we have to get in that line again.)  I'm struggling to have a positive attitude about going back to square one.  I think I need a picture of our little man glued to the front of my trusty purple accordion folder.


Another part of the paperwork puzzle is our home study (adoptionese for a short novel about our family).  We have a one-month-old home study, but the agency that completed it does not have the appropriate accreditation to work with China.  Thankfully, we found a new agency quickly and have already scheduled our first home visit for January 4.


Lil' Miss has enough energy and excitement to do the paperwork herself.  (If only she were a little older than three! :)  I printed a picture of our little man for her last Friday, and she carried it with her on all of our errands.  She kept talking to the picture.  ("Don't worry, Jonathan, we're coming to get you soon.")  She even held the paper up while we were in line at the grocery store and announced to the cashier that she is getting a brother!  


I love her enthusiasm.  Her prayers for her brother especially melt my heart.  She remembers him almost every time she prays and often asks the Lord to let us "go get him soon".  When she sees his picture, she says, "That's my little boy!"  I can't wait to see her love on him in person!


I do have a few specific prayer requests in regard to the China process...


1.) Please keep our little man in your prayers.  It is hard to think about him waiting in an orphanage - with no idea we are coming - when we wish he could be home with us right now!  We've been praying that someone at the orphanage shows him special love and attention and tells him about God's love for him.


2.) We had received two significant grants during our Ghana adoption process.  One of those grant organizations has already agreed to transfer their grant to our agency's China program.  (Yay!)  We are waiting to hear back from the other organization.  Please pray that they would be willing to transfer their grant, as well.


3.) Pray that our paperwork would come together quickly.  Every step seems to drag now that we have a little face in our minds and hearts!  Pray also for an attitude of peace and patience as we work through the necessary steps in the process.


Thanks so much for praying for us!  Here's another picture of our sweet little man.

If you have a few more minutes of reading time, I encourage you to check out this article. (Thanks, Erin, for sharing it with me!)  Part of the article is a beautiful story about a couple from Utah who adopted a little girl with Down Syndrome from Eastern Europe; the other part is a horrifying account of the living conditions for handicapped orphans.  The investigative team was able to gain access into a few of the country's mental institutions.  Their description is break-your-heart awful.  

I've included an excerpt from their report on the institutions below.

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At the girls' institutions, most of the girls and women have shorn hair. Their teeth are decaying or have fallen out. Most are covered in bug bites and scratches. Vasilieva explains that they often see the girls in the same outfit visit after visit.

They bathe about once a week.

One little girl with Down syndrome, named Masha, clings to her visitors. She looks to be about 3 years old, but is actually 7. Experts say this is a type of emotional dwarfism when a child neglected at a young age fails to thrive physically as well as emotionally.

At a third institution, again for boys and men ages 5 to 35, the reason so many Americans were rushing to file adoptions papers for children with Down syndrome became shockingly apparent.

One step into the main institution was met with a wall of sickening odor, the smell of urine and feces. Several boys were left to sit in a sparse room that consisted only of wooden benches lining the walls and thin blankets spread across the floor.

This, ABC N*ws was told, was where the boys typically spend their days. They did not read or look at books. They did not watch TV or play with toys.

They sit, day in and day out.

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These are real places.  Real children.  

This is the type of institution where sweet Sofia might end up.

Reading this article made my heart hurt.  No one should live like this.  No one.  I hope you'll take a minute to read it.  I hope it changes your perspective and challenges you to speak up.  These forgotten little ones need more voices to speak for them.

My Christmas Wish

This morning I got to watch my three-year-old dress like this...

...open a few of these...

...all the while surrounded by this.

My girl is blessed more than she'll ever know (and not just because she got two packs of Cl*ires stick-on earrings, which in her mind = best. present. ever.).

As I spent a few minutes reflecting on what Christmas has been like for Lil' Miss, I couldn't keep myself from thinking of another three-year-old, half a world away.

Meet "Sofia".

(I know, she's totally, completely, over-the-moon precious.)

Sofia might have put on a special outfit when she woke up this morning (although it probably didn't belong to her if she did).  

She might have even opened a present or two (but it's not very likely).  

What Sofia definitely didn't do is climb into bed to cuddle with Mommy.

She didn't help Daddy make pancakes for breakfast.  

She didn't get kisses from Grandma or tickles from Grandpa.

Sofia woke up on this Christmas morning in an orphanage in Eastern Europe - an orphanage that has been her home for her entire life.

And my wish on this Christmas - the one thing I want much, much more than a Kitchen*id mixer, books for my Kindl*, or a new lens for my camera - is a family for Sofia.  I want this to be her last Christmas alone.  Her last Christmas without a mama's love.  Her last Christmas without a daddy who thinks she's a princess.

 I would go get Sofia in a second, but there's a certain somebody in my life who thinks adopting three children from three different countries at the same time is just a bit crazy. 

Okay, so he's probably right. :)

I need you to make my Christmas wish come true.  Will you help me find Sofia's family?  Will you spend a few minutes praying about whether she belongs to you?

Let me share a little bit more of Miss Sofia's story.  Sofia was born with spina bifida and went straight from the hospital to the orphanage.  She has already had surgery on her spine and had a vp shunt inserted.  She will have ongoing bladder/continence and mobility issues.  There is no reason to believe that she has any cognitive issues (beyond the normal delays associated with being raised in an orphanage environment).

Because of her needs, Sofia's future looks bleak.

With physical therapy, Sofia's chances of walking are good.  The orphanage doesn't provide any.

Just like any other child, Sofia needs an education so that she be challenged and reach her potential.  The country she's in probably won't send her to school.

Like any three-year-old, this precious girl needs love and attention.  Although her orphanage currently has Sofia matched with a "grandma" who provides daily, one-on-one attention, she will eventually be sent to an asylum.  (Asylum in Eastern Europe = very. bad. place.)

I am not trying to minimize Sofia's needs.  She's three-years-old, and she can't walk.  She has to be catheterized to use the bathroom.  She doesn't know what it looks like to be loved by a family.

But as I look through this list, I can't help but think how is it possible that these needs are keeping this precious child in an orphanage?  Is there really anything here that is such a big deal?

This beautiful little lady will probably need leg braces and/or crutches and therapy to walk.  

Okay.  

She needs someone willing to deal with her catheter for a few years before she can learn to catheterize herself.

Alright.

She needs someone committed to loving her patiently and consistently so that she can learn the priceless lesson that family is forever.

What a blessed calling.

I know that international adoption can sound scary and intimidating.  (If you've been reading my blog for very long, you know it hasn't been an easy process for us.)  However, the country Sofia is in has a relatively quick and inexpensive adoption process.  They are part of the Hague Convention, which means they follow certain guidelines intended to ensure that adoptions are ethical and predictable.  (No, this is not the Eastern European country we've been trying to adopt from.)  What's more, Sofia qualifies for reduced agency fees and a Brittany's Hope grant.  Her parents will need to travel to her country twice, but these are short trips (about 5 days each).

Please share Sofia's story.  You are welcome to post this information on F*cebook, email it to friends or family, or share it on your own blog.

If you'd like more information about Sofia, you can email Nina Thompson at Children's House International (nina.t@chiadopt.org).  You can also email me (whatitmeans2beheld@gmail.com) with any questions about Sofia, special needs, or adoption in general.  

Thanks for praying for Sofia.  Hopefully this sweet girl will celebrate Christmas 2012 with her very own mama and papa.  

Merry Christmas, everyone!

It's How You Play the Game...Well, Sorta'

We're a teeny bit competitive at our house.  Teeny bit meaning that, at one point in our marriage, we may or may not have gone to bed not speaking to each other after a particularly intense game of Settlers of Catan.  I guess that's what you get when Miss Hyperventilate-Over-A-Minuses marries Mr. Still-Bitter-That-He-Wasn't-Allowed-to-Play-Three-Sports-in-High-School: a good dose of cutthroat healthy competition.

Earlier this month we decided to teach Lil' Miss to play a board game.  We pulled out this classic game,

explained the rules, and headed off to King Kandy's Castle.  

And, she killed us.  

Her very. first. board. game. ever. and she completely destroyed her ultra-competitive mama and papa.  Ouch!  (Now you need to know that Mommy took the loss in very good spirits and promoted a healthy spirit of encouragement for the winner while a certain other loser was not quite so nice about it.)

Chalking that victory up to beginner's luck, we decided to play again last weekend.  Two games = two more losses to Lil' Miss (who we're starting to think might be just a teeny bit competitive herself).

 

Of course, it's hard to be too bitter about losing when the winner is wearing a tiara and a Cinderella dress.  Mommy also got the enjoyment of hearing Lil' Miss make lots of very sincere comments to Daddy (who kept being the biggest loser).  Things like, "Daddy, you are having a rough time getting to the castle!"

I think we're in trouble when a certain somebody is old enough to play Settlers...

School Update

Lil' Miss and I have been doing school at home together this fall.  I have to confess that I haven't been quite as enthusiastic in my planning as I was in September, but we're still chugging along.  I thought I'd post about a few learning activities that have been a hit. 

(If you don't have a preschooler and you're not my mom, this might not be a super interesting post for you to read. ;)

1.) PAINTING - Lil' Miss loveslovesloves paint.  Here she is working on one of her masterpieces.  (Yes, we occasionally do school in our pjs around here.  One of the joys of homeschool preschool.)

This paint has been a huge hit and has lasted a long time.  It's definitely worth the $4,97 that it costs at W*lmart.

It has worked well for us to use a paper plate as a paint tray.  Lil' Miss picks three or four colors, and I squeeze a little blob of each onto a paper plate.  I give her a brush for each color to keep her from ending up with a giant brownish puddle (which isn't always effective as you can see in the first picture above ;).  She likes to coordinate the color of the brush handle with the paint color, but this is totally unnecessary if your child isn't as OCD as mine.  (No idea where she got that!)

I bought a pack of white 12X18 posterboard.  It has been perfect for painting.  It's pretty inexpensive, and it's thick enough to work well with paint.  Lil' Miss loves having such a big "canvas", and one sheet keeps her entertained for quite a while.  (She actually worked on a painting while Jer's mom and I painted a bedroom.  I think two papers = three walls done.)

2.) Making Letters - Lil' Miss is just beginning to write some letters.  She's not super excited about tracing letters with a pencil over and over (I don't think I would be either!), so we've tried some other creative ways to make letters.  The biggest hit has been using a cookie sheet filled with rice for tracing letters.  I keep the rice in a plastic baggie so it can be reused.  She's also enjoyed making letters with assorted objects (sticks, ribbon, strips of paper, etc.) and tracing letters in shaving cream.  F*amily Fun magazine had a great idea that I want to try soon: using yarn on sandpaper to make letters.

3.) Computer Games - I'm not a huge fan of letting Lil' Miss use the computer for long periods of time, but there are some great learning games out there.  She especially likes the PBS K*ds site.  I'm very impressed with the Sup*r Why games.  They focus on literacy skills (letter recognition, phonemic awareness, etc.).   And we love that show around here.  (TV show that teaches literacy is a fun, fresh way at dinner time = happy mama!)

4.) Kum*n Workbooks - A friend recommended these after trying them with her preschooler.  I'm not a huge workbook fan, but these are fun.  They practice preschool skills that are important but aren't always the first that come to mind (tracing, cutting, pasting, etc.).  Also, they increase in difficulty incrementally, so the preschool-level books can be followed by more advanced books in each skill area.  Lil' Miss has loved the Easy Maze book.  She just finished it and is ready for the next mazes book.  You can find these on a certain very popular shopping website that begins with an A or a giant bookstore near you. 

Lil' Miss's love for crafts has even inspired her very non-artsy mama to try a Christmas project.  Check out my primitive Nativity set.

This craft was way easy (or I couldn't have made it - trust me!).  It did require me to wrangle some power tools, but all my extremities survived. :)  You can find the directions here.  (No, I didn't just pull this idea out of the corner of my brilliant mind between Christmas shopping and wrapping presents.)

I'm off to cuddle on the couch with my two favorite people.  Gotta' love Sunday afternoons! Hope all of you are having a wonderful weekend and enjoying the Christmas season.

Anticipating Christmas

I was asked to share a devotion at the moms' group I attend last week.  I wrote it out because I would much rather write than speak.  (You know, writing gives me a chance to change what I've said before I put my foot in my mouth if it doesn't sound quite right.)  As I thought about what I wanted to share, the miracle of Christmas was on my mind.  Since I already had my thoughts written out, I thought I'd share them here.

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The days leading up to a baby's birth are filled with anticipation and excitement. It is so hard to wait for that due date to finally arrive, and it's absolutely killer when your baby ignores his or her ETA all together. The last weeks before a baby is born are filled with many special moments: attending baby showers, putting the finishing touches on the little one's room, and debating over the last two names on the baby name list.

Everyone who knows the expectant parents – and even people who don't – are eager to join in the celebration. As mamas, we remember those special days....the goofy shower games; the shopping for tiny outfits; and, most important of all, the birth of our precious little one.

At Christmas time we remember another baby's arrival – a baby whose arrival was anticipated by millions of people for thousands of years. A baby named Jesus.

The anticipation surrounding this baby's birth begins with the very first people, Adam and Eve. In the beginning, God created a beautiful garden, filled with trees and animals. The garden was a paradise designed for God's most treasured creation: humans. In this garden, everything was perfect. There was no heartbreak, no deceit, and no sadness. Adam and Eve had a beautiful friendship with each other and with their Creator God.

Unfortunately, this beautiful paradise did not last. Adam and Eve believed a lie from the evil one – the serpent – and chose to disobey God's one command to them: to not eat the fruit from one of the trees in the garden. When that happened, the perfect world was broken and so was man's friendship with God.

At that moment, God set a plan in motion to restore the world and his relationship with mankind. In Genesis 3:15, God tells the serpent, “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; 
he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”

God's promises of a Savior echo throughout the pages of the Old Testament: in his words to Abram in Genesis 12 (“I will make you a into great nation...and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you”), his promise to David in 2 Samuel 7 (“Your house and your kingdom will endure forever before me; your throne will be established forever”), and the truths spoken by his prophets (words like those found in Isaiah 9:6, “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. 
And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace”).

Throughout the pages of scripture, the anticipation builds. God's people wait in eager expectation for the Redeemer to appear. And then, it happens...in the most unlikely way. The God of the universe puts on flesh and is born in a stable - tiny, pink, and helpless.

As moms, we know the joy that a baby's arrival brings. Imagine that joy multiplied by thousands, millions. When Jesus is born, the angels sing. Shepherds come to worship him. History is torn in two forever.

In the birth of a tiny boy, God keeps his promise to his people. This little one is the long-awaited Savior – sent to restore God's broken relationship with humankind. This baby boy grows up to proclaim God's truth, heal the sick, and mend the broken. He grows up to walk the long road to Calvary where he hangs on a cross for a multitude of sins he did not commit. He pays the price for your wrongs and mine and, in so doing, extends each one of us an invitation to be reconciled to our Heavenly Father. He is buried in a tomb, but he does not stay there. On the third day, God in the flesh – this tiny baby grown up - conquers death and rises from the grave.

What's more, the story doesn't end at the resurrection. God's plan wasn't complete when Jesus rose from the dead. Jesus' death restored God's relationship with mankind, but our world is still broken. We still live with hurt, sickness, and injustice.  We live in a world where politics often take precedent over the needs of innocent children.  Where babies starve.  Where tragedies tear lives apart in the blink of an eye.

There is another part of God's plan. Jesus came once as a baby, and he is coming again as a King. When he returns, the wrongs in the world will be made right and those who have trusted Christ as their way to a right relationship with God will live with him forever.  When he returns, God will live with his people "and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

And so, just as the world anticipated the arrival of a Savior 2,000 years ago, we anticipate the arrival of a King.  This is what we celebrate at Christmas! We rejoice in the greatest gift ever given – a gift that came wrapped in swaddling cloths and laid in a manger.   And we wait eagerly for our Redeemer to return as the King who will wipe away our tears and live with us forever.

BEST. NEWS. YET.

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that our adoption journey has not been easy.  

It hasn't been smooth.  Or predicable.  Or even logical.

It's been rough.  And rip-your-heart-out painful.  And long.  R-E-A-L-L-Y long.

In October of 2009, we started the process to bring home two sweet little ones from here.  (More specifically from the tiny teal country on the Gulf of Guinea.)

As we began to sense that door was closing (due to circumstances we could not have anticipated or controlled), our hearts were drawn here.

God used this awesome organization...

and many, many incredible people to open our hearts and our eyes to the need for parents willing to adopt children living with HIV.   In our quest for answers and direction, we learned how far HIV treatment has come since the 1980's, realized how uneducated we really were, and arrived at a point where we were able to say that we were (and are) 100% comfortable bringing a child with HIV into our family.  (Curious about HIV?  Click here.)

In March of this year, we jumped headfirst into HIV adoption.  We fell in love with precious faces while we rushed to complete our dossier (a.k.a. GIGANTIC stack of paperwork).  On June 2, all those hard-won papers finally arrived in a certain country in Eastern Europe.  

We held our breath, hoping to hear any day that we'd been invited to travel to meet our kids.  Instead...this - news that the country we hoped to adopt from had changed their laws, making HIV-positive children under five basically unadoptable outside their own country.  

Parents who had submitted their papers in May were sent travel dates.  

Parents who submitted their papers on June 2 were sent nothing.

Later in June, we received news that the law might be changed again on October 11.  July, August, and September were filled with hope, anxiety, and sadness (sometimes all at once).  The first days of October were some of the longest days of my life.  

October 11 came and nothing.  No law change.  No real news.

Through the roller coaster that 2011 has been, I have hung on to my hope to adopt a little one with HIV.  (My husband might tell you that I'm just a teeny bit stubborn.)  I have prayed and cried and dreamed about the children I know are waiting in orphanages in Eastern Europe.  

Since October 11, Jeremy and I have been praying for new direction.  Praying from the depths of our hearts that God would open closed doors or clearly lead us in a new direction.  

I wanted the open doors.  

God chose the new direction.

Last month I called our Ghana agency with a question about updating our paperwork.  Our case worker suggested that we consider transferring to another one of their country programs, like...maybe...here.

My first thought was China?  Don't you have to be rich and really patient to adopt from there?  (I'm pretty much 0 for 2 on that list.)

Nope.  Apparently, many people (me included!) confuse China's Traditional Program with their Special Needs Program.  While you do have to wait 5-6 years (or maybe more) to adopt a young, healthy Chinese child, there are many (like 2,000) little ones waiting who are considered special needs.

The China program representatives went above and beyond in helping us make our decision about whether China was a fit for us.  They answered calls from their cell phones, sent about a bazillion emails, and even petitioned the agency director to transfer all the money we paid to the Ghana program into our China account.  A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

We sent our China Pre-Application on Friday, November 18.  

Many of you prayed for us on my birthday - Tuesday, November 22.  

On Monday, November 28, we got a call at 9:45 p.m.  Our agency had found a little boy they thought might be our son.

We talked and prayed and sought counsel from others.  We researched our little guy's special needs.  (He has several needs - not HIV - that we feel are very manageable for our family.)  We sent our initial paperwork to China on Thursday, November 30.

And, just a couple of hours ago, we received our initial approval (a.k.a. PA) from China.  This means that we are officially matched with one handsome little man.  In 9-12 months (practically forever, I know!), we'll board a plane and head to China to pick up our son.  

OUR SON.

Want to meet him? 

At one point, the international specialist for China said to me, "I just wish you guys had found me first."

But, you know what, we weren't supposed to.  

I do not understand what we've been through.  There are no easy answers.  There's no cliche explanation.

I do know that my heart has changed over the last twenty-six months.  My world is bigger.  My heart is broken for children - imperfect in the eyes of the world - who are precious in the sight of our Heavenly Father and who desperately need mamas and daddies to love on them.  Children whose needs were outside of my box before I started this journey.

And, most important of all, had we found the China program twenty-six months ago, this beautiful boy would not be our son. 

You guys - my bloggy friends - have been an amazing part of this journey.  You've cried, prayed, and supported me in SO. MANY. WAYS.

Please keep praying as we continue in a new direction.  This new adventure is just beginning.  We're starting from scratch on our new GIGANTIC stack of paperwork.  It will probably be 9-12 months before we can travel to China to bring our little one home.  

(I so wish it could be tomorrow!)

Before I sign off, I have one more little request to make of all of you.  We are totally, hopelessly, disastrously stuck without a single boy's name that we can agree on.  Suggestions?