A Closed Door...For Now

We got some news that I really didn't want to hear yesterday evening. (If you haven't been following my blog for very long and you want the complicated backstory on this post, you'll need to take a minute to read about this closure and this new law.)  Nina emailed to tell me that our country will temporarily close to adoptions on July 11.  Rumor has it that the closure will last about three months, as our country switches adoption authority from the SDA to a new agency yet to be created.  Last time this happened, there was only a two-month closure.


The closure itself is disappointing, but it's not the worst news.  The new law prohibiting international adoption of children under five without special needs will go into effect July 11. As I mentioned before, our special need is not on the special needs list.  (Actually, the list is very limited and does not include many special needs like spina bifida, cerebral palsy, FAS, cystic fibrosis and others.)  Because our paperwork was already submitted to the SDA, I have been holding my breath for an appointment date before the closure.  This would allow us to complete our adoption process before the effective date of the new law.  


Yesterday Nina let me know that the SDA is processing dossiers and giving June appointments to anyone submitted in May.  Everyone else will have to wait until after the closure.  And after the new law goes into effect.  We were submitted June 2.  We missed the cut-off by two days.  TWO DAYS.


I honestly have felt mostly numb since reading Nina's email (and slightly sick to my stomach).  I'm actually thankful for the distraction of camp.  Thankful that I'm not home dwelling on the fact that the littles ones we have had in our hearts aren't coming home this summer...or maybe ever.  I feel sad and empty, but there are still a lot of reasons to hope.  A lot of reasons to keep praying.  A lot of reasons for us to stay committed to this crazy journey.


In the midst of feeling like I've been hit by a train, I'm trying to praise the Lord for what He has done through this whole process.  He has blessed me with a beautiful, ornery, precocious two-year-old through adoption.  He has opened my eyes to the incredible need in Eastern Europe.  He has taught me a TON about special needs that I have, in turn, been able to share with so many others.  (And that I will share more about here very soon.)  He has blessed me with new friends who share their amazing hearts for hurting children with me.  He has provided financially for our family so that we have no adoption debt at this point (even though I feel a little like we've been pouring money down a pit for a year and a half).  God is good, and He is faithful - even in this crazy time.  But, AAAAAHHHHH, this is still so hard.


Thanks for your prayers, love, and support.  I have heard from so many of you over the past couple of months.  What an encouragement to know that college friends; family; people we know only through adoption; our church family; and many, many others are lifting our adoption to the Lord in prayer.  That's AMAZING, and it blesses me beyond description. 


I know there are times of intense emotional struggle waiting for me on the road ahead.  I am sure that I will lose it a time or two (or ten) as I process this situation, but with all my heart I choose to praise the Lord in this storm.  I choose to trust that He is faithful.  I choose to believe that He is good.


Look what He has given me already.