Our Adoption Story - Part 1

Adoption has been on our hearts for a long time.  While Jeremy and I were engaged, we talked about building our family through adoption.  We have both always wanted a big family (Jeremy often says he wants his own basketball team - and subs!), so eventually adopting a child or children just seemed to make sense to us.  We planned to have four biological children and then adopt several more through foster care.  


God had a completely different plan for us.  After a year and a half of marriage, we felt that we were ready to grow our family.  Within a few months, we began to suspect that something was wrong.  Our struggle with infertility is its own story (which I hope to share here sometime in the future).  Those of you who have been there know the heartbreaking disappointment a couple feels when their arms remain empty month. after month. after month.  after month.  (If you are walking through this valley right now, please know that I am here to listen if you want to talk.  I don't have any profound answers, but I have been there and know how much it means to feel support, prayers, and love from those around you.)


At different points, Jeremy and I came to the realization that we were ready to pursue adoption.  The timing wasn't what we had originally thought, but we still felt that our hearts had been drawn to adoption for a reason.  As we began to research our options (a process that feels a whole lot like standing in front of a fire hose and unscrewing the nozzle), we were initially drawn to international adoption from Haiti.  For a variety of reasons (including the fact that we hadn't nearly reached the ancient required age of 35), that door closed.


After A LOT more talking, thinking, and praying, we decided to adopt domestically.  Again, that is an entire story itself, but it led to the birth of our daughter, Emma Kiersten, in July 2008.  Emma's adoption was an amazing experience.  We love, love, love being parents (Terrible Twos and all), and we can't wait to meet the other children God brings into our family.


We began our second adoption journey in the summer of 2009.  This time we felt convinced that we should pursue international adoption.  (We also felt slightly more prepared, having braved the juggernaut of adoption paperwork once.)  Again, we thought of Haiti, but it still wasn't a good fit for our family.  Our second thought was a country in Africa.  Jeremy and I visited the Central African Republic in 2002, and had seriously considered missions to Africa when Jeremy graduated from seminary.


We researched Ethiopia, Rwanda, and Ghana, before deciding on Ghana.  We were told that there were many toddler boys waiting in Ghana, and this seemed to fit perfectly with our desire to adopt one or two children, ages 0-4.  In the fall of 2009, we were accepted by an agency with a pilot (new) program in Ghana.


We spent about ten months compiling our dossier (adoption-ese for the gigantic stack of paperwork you send to the country you are adopting from).  In July of 2010, we were finally ready to send everything to Ghana.  Our agency told us we would probably receive a referral (be matched with a child/ren) within one to four months.  Since that time, the program in Ghana has hit snag after snag.  


Each new obstacle in our process has been incredibly frustrating.  Adoption is one of those things in life that teaches you how completely not in control you really are - a hard lesson for a control freak like me.  However, God has used our time of waiting to open my eyes and my heart to an entirely new perspective on adoption.


Last October I read Brianna's post here.  In it she wrote the following paragraph (as well as some other REALLY powerful, thought-provoking ideas).


"The problem is that there are so very many children needing homes TODAY, right now, this very second.  They are not generally, however, healthy baby girls.  (With the masses waiting in line for them.)  They are teenagers, sibling sets, HIV+, born with Down syndrome, diabetic, hearing-impaired, developmentally delayed.  They have Hep B and cleft palates and Cerebral Palsy.  They have "unknowns."  THEY are the truly waiting children.  THEY are the faces that comprise what we call the global orphan crisis.  Kids waiting (and waiting, and waiting) for families.  Considered unadoptable by most adopting families."


Brianna's words wouldn't leave my mind and heart.  Jeremy and I felt we were being pretty open in our child request.  (We weren't asking for a healthy baby girl, after all.)  We were considering children of either gender - preschool-aged children even.  But was God asking us to consider something else?  Had we truly thought about adopting a waiting child?


(Please don't think I am saying that it is wrong to adopt a newborn, or that every family should be open to any waiting child.  That's not what I intend to communicate at all.  I do think that God wants to challenge our ideas of what a "perfect family" or a "perfect child" looks like to us.  That is what He began doing in my heart as I read Brianna's post.)


As I pondered Brianna's words, I decided to learn more about ethical adoption, waiting children, and special needs.  My research led me to the blog of an adoptive mom named Adeye.  I was especially drawn to her posts about her family's adoption of two little girls with Down Syndrome.  This post opened my eyes to the incredibly horrific circumstances that some children face every single day.  I felt blind-sided as I read about a precious five-year-old little one who weighed 16 pounds and spent her days alone and without love in a room full of cribs.  


From here, our story has taken some amazing twists and turns, but this is all I'm going to share today.  Mostly because I want you to hear from Adeye, too.  Don't stop reading.  Click here and meet sweet Hailee.