October 11

For most of you it's Tuesday, or another school day, trip to the dentist day, or maybe someone's birthday.  For me, it's the day I've been anxiously awaiting for months.  October 11 is finally here.

I woke up this morning and laid in bed for a long time.  My stomach was tied up in knots as I anticipated turning on my computer to read news that would either make this the best day ever or break my heart.  I couldn't decide whether it was better to be feeling the anxiety of waiting for an answer or the finality that that answer will bring.

It's been four months since we got the news that laws had passed to put our adoption on hold.  Four months since we heard that our paperwork had been submitted two days after the new laws went into effect.  Four months of waiting, praying, and hoping.  Four months of - as much as I've tried not to - falling in love with the sweet faces of little ones who wait for mamas and papas in Eastern Europe.

Today marks the end of those months, but not the end of the waiting.

When I finally convinced myself to get out of bed and check my email, there was nothing there.  It's already night time in Eastern Europe, so there won't be news today.  No list.  No word on whether the SDA will resume giving travel dates.  No answers.

October 11 is now just another Tuesday.